May 16, 2017
It all comes to and end tonight.
I am a shaking, crying, emotional mess at the moment but wanted to get one quick final blog in.
Thank you to the women who stood beside me in this journey and who I am honoured to call my friends. From the Top 30 all the way to the Top 6, I couldn’t have done this without your inspiration.
To the AAAAAMAZING sponsors. Thank you so much for not only the pampering and freebies but your words of wisdom and encouragmenet through out the entire challenge. This would not be possible without you and y ou all deserve a major pat on the backs.
Board members and volunteers, again, this would not be possible without you so thank you for your time and efforts throughout.
Jenny, Trish and Candace, thank you for being mentors during this journey. Thank you for all of your hard work and love and patience. It was a pleasure taking part of this Challenge and I am forever greatful to have gotten the chance to make it this far.
Friends and Family, there are no words to describe my gratitude for you. When I was down you picked me up, when I was up you cheered me on!!! You voted, you liked, you encouraged and you supported every step of the way.
I love you all and am so thankful to have gotten this opportunity and will continue on my journey.
Stay tuned in, add me on Facebook and see what else is to come of my life. My group Angie’s TMC Journey 2017 will be turned into my blog and place to vent and share so join if interested.
I need to just relax and breath now, until tonight my friends.
KEEP ON KEEPIN ON!!!!
May 15, 2017
A little trip to Tswassen after work tonight for our final fitting at Rack Fashions for the fashion show. Shannon was so kind and drove my jeep for me so I could sit back and relax.
I am not sure if it is hormone related, stress related or something I ate but my migraine attacks have been hitting me one after another. I don’t just get the head pain I start off with about 20 minutes of tunnel vision together with slight one sided head pain. Then comes the numbness; it starts in my fingertips and works its way up my arm into my face. Once it hits my throat and tongue its hard to breath and talk. Numbness last about another 20 minutes. Then the migraine hits full force. I was stuck at work and had 2 of these just while at work. I couldn’t leave because I have taken so much time off for the challenge. So I turned off the lights, closed my office door and did my best to keep working. Took lots of advil and felt better for the fitting thankfully.
One more sleep…..
May 14, 2017
Mother’s Day was amazing for once. It was plain and simple but no drama and no fighting and no crying. All of my previous mothers days resulted in one of the above but today was a normal GOOD day. I think it all comes back to put out negative and get negative, put out positive and get positive!!!! I was also spoiled with some gifts that I needed like a new purse, a new phone case for my phone and a new Chi hair straightener since mine was 4 years old.
After a brunch with the family I had a fashion show practice. After some comments that were made I had a little break down and a mini cry to myself out on the patio area. The emotions are really getting to me lately with the challenge coming to an end so making me cry or lash out is super easy at the moment. It could all be in my head or maybe true, but I am feeling a little out of place right now. No particular reason but I am trying to chalk it up to nerves are running high for everyone right now. Everything in me wants to just shut down and hole myself up in bed but this is where I need to hold my head high and push onwards because it literally all ends in 2 days. I got this!
May 13, 2017
Today was wicked! I am so happy it was an obligation to attend the Shoppers Love You – Run for Women as part of this challenge otherwise I might have weasled my way out of it somehow. I always looked at these “Runs” and thought they would be fun to partake in but I have never had the courage to actually sign up and try one. Having to do this one pushed me out of my comfort zone and I loved every minute of it. 5k is not as hard as I thought it was and this time all I did was walk but next time I would like to do a bit of walking and a bit of jogging. Eventually who knows, I could run the entire 5k!!!
Doing this run took away my fear of signing up for the other ones I see so I am going to join the Abbotsford 5k Foam Fest and the Rugged Maniac and who knows what else comes out that I am going to give a try. This challenge has opened so many new doors for me and I have found many new things I actually like to do instead of thinking about doing.
The swag was absolutely amazing and so much of it too. I heard that most swag at runs is not as good as it was today but that’s ok because starting my own collection of shirts and race bibs will make a cool memory box.
After the run I was super tired from being up at 6am and the trip to and from Vancouver but there was not time for napping. I went home changed and went out the door for my fitting with Ronald Allen. I was super surprised that a designer label store had clothing that fit me. As usual, I always underestimate and over stress. I tried 2 dresses on and went with the 2nd one on Laurel and Shannon’s recommendation and out the door I went.
Next was my eyelash appointment with Hush over at Fabutan. I definitely fell asleep a few times and even did the twitch thingy but the lash tech was so awesome. She was fast and did an amazing job. I love love love my lashes and I will be going back to see her to keep up with them for sure. I had them once before but didn’t keep up with them. This time I love them a whole lot more. They are thick they are long they are amazing quality. Thank you Dawn for donating this service to us as part of a sponsor.
My day ended with yet another toothache and a migraine to accompany it. I laid down and took about an hour cat nap then just spent the night with the family. Actually took a trip over to Old Navy. Guess who now can wear clothing from the store instead of special order plus size from the website?? Yep, this girl right here! Pretty stoked I have a new place to shop at that isn’t JUST for plus sizes.
Mummy’s day tomorrow…. maybe I shall sleep in!!!!
May 12, 2017
Today after worked I rushed me and Preston over to Bonnie’s son’s birthday party at the fish hatchery. I won a gift certificate for Preston’s birthday there but didn’t see at the time I bid on it that kids had to be over 5 to fish so I ended up selling it to Bonnie instead. I now regret that choice because it was actually so fun. I also think if I had spoken with them the age thing would have been fine because me and Preston fished just fine. I didn’t catch anything but I stood there diligently for half an hour trying to get one. All I got was nibbles. Pretty sure the fish know what’s up since they kept stealing my bait yet not getting hooked.
Preston had a blast running around and playing with all the kids like he normally does. We all worked up quite the appetite so went inside to eat. This is where I had to be strong and not make the choices I used to make.
My plate consisted of a hot dog with no bun, half the plate was vegetables and then 3 chunks of bread with spinach dip on them. Normally I would have had no problem eating 2 or 3 hot dogs complete with buns and condiments, probably no vegetables or very little and a ton of spinach dip since it is my all time favourite party food. I also would have loaded up on the potato chips and pop but opted for water and no chips since I was going to indulge in a piece of cake. The cake was a fruit cake and was not overly sweet and I shared my piece with Preston instead of devouring it on my own. That was it, no second or thirds of anything and a little healthier choices. That is what life is all about, no point in starving myself when free food is out for the taking I just need to think my way through it and know what I can do to make it some what healthier like removing the buns and not over stuffing myself.
After the party Preston and I met Shannon at Penningtons for round 2 of trying to find something to wear for the Fashion Show. I think I ended today way more confident and happy with my new choices.
The girls kept telling me to size down in almost everything I was trying on even though I was happy with the fit and look. I didn’t want to believe that I could be wearing an X or 1x but I WAS!!!! Holy crap talk about shocked! 4 months ago I was wearing 3x/4x and 22/24 at Penningtons today I am proud to announce I am pretty much in a 1x, sometimes an X or 2x depending. If I wasn’t proud before, holy crap, am I ever proud now!!! It felt so good to see that physical change. I love my outfits and will be feeling sexy and confident for the Fashion Show. I had a little cry in the change room, tears of joy for how this journey has once again changed me.
I won’t be posting photos of the outfits so you better make it out Tuesday night to the Fashion Show and Finale if you want to see, although I am pretty sure I will be buying at least one of my outfits. I am just in a state of awe right now, its a wonderful feeling!
May 11, 2017
Today was the first day I had fittings for the fashion show.
It started off at Penningtons. I dislike my arms VERY much so right away I knew I needed sleeves, well, given the season this was a little difficult. None of the dresses had sleeves and most of the blouses were sleeveless. I tried to be confident and think to myself who cares what your arms look like or what anyone thinks about them just do it but it didn’t work. Instead, I have decided that is going to be a focus for me in the upcoming months. I need to tone and tighten my arms so that I begin loving them as much as I am beginning to love everything else. I need to feel confident and sexy the night of the fashion show and showing my arms would just put a damper on things for me. So day 1 of Penningtons I had a couple of outfits picked out but was not happy with what I had chosen. I needed something though so I would have to make do. There was no more time to continue looking because of the next fitting so I made a plan to return the next day with Shannon and try again.
Next up was The Running Room for some workout gear. I definitely was a little worried about this fitting as the other ladies had told me their sizing is small. I ended up in workout outfit that is a little tight but it works. I love love love the pants and would totally buy them for myself. I even found a jacket that fit as well which helps make me feel a little more comfortable. We even got shoes and oh my goodness, my wide feet were singing. They aren’t pink like I had hoped but they are soooooooo comfortable and supportive. I have been missing out and now realize just because my shoes have a Nike check on the side of them does NOT make them the right shoe for me. I think I would benefit from spending a bit extra and trying to find something that is comfortable and supportive in the ways I need.
So for my first day of fittings I wasn’t feeling all that great. I had an image in my head of what I wanted to see and feel and I just wasn’t hitting that point today. On the plus side though I was able to wear Running Room clothes when 4 months ago I would never have stepped a foot in the door. Each day I surprise myself about how much my body has and is changing even if I don’t see it myself when I look in the mirror.
I am really hard on myself. I have been in that frame of mind for some time now so it is going to take a lot of work to get out of that state but I am on the right track. I may see the same person in the mirror but I know I don’t feel, think or act like the same person. People all around me see the difference on the inside and the outside and its really starting to click that I have come such a long a way from the woman I used to despise instead I am loving her.
One of the biggest things I have noticed is I am allowing people to take more pictures of me. I am not ducking and dodging the cameras and even letting full body shots. When I used to see a full body shot of myself I would cringe and want to cry but not anymore. I can’t wait to see what another 4 months of weight loss and internal growth is going to do for me.
May 10, 2017
Today I was treated to a Herbal Peel by MD Cosmetics. WOW x 50 ( I don’t want to type it out that many times). Kim was so informative and knowledgeable. I was worried about my face given I have very sensitive skin and also rosacea. MD Cosmetics chose the Herbal Peel for me instead of the HydraFacial so that it didn’t cause me any irritation or pain or to break out from the rosacea. It was so gentle and felt nice and cool. Kim explained every step as she went along and exactly what each product she used was doing for my face and how it might feel.
Ever since my rosacea came into my life, which was about 3.5 years ago I had the nicest skin. Wrinkle free, blemish free and hydrated. People would constantly tell me how beautiful my skin was and what not. When the rosacea came it was devastating especially to have to live with it on my face where I couldn’t hide it. I remember praying to a higher power please just give it to me anywhere but the face. Over the years I tried many many different drug store products and wasted tons of hard earned dollars to get no results. Most of the products that were made for calming and redness made my face greasy and prone to break outs. I ended up with a skin care routine that consisted of washing my face with a face cloth with nothing but cold water on it, followed by some Aveeno moisturizer that always made my eyes burn. Well, I now know why it makes my eyes burn… it has so much damn alcohol in it.
I ended up buying the cleanser that was used on my face and the Calendulis cream that was put on to hydrate my face after. Kim is going to work with me on developing my new skin care routine using medical grade good quality products that are going to give me back my beautiful skin. I go back in 2 weeks for a follow up and to see how my skin is reacting to the new products as well as see what we can add to enhance my routine like an exfoliator. I am sooooooooooo greatful MD Cosmetics is a sponsor and gave us these facials and time to come in because I was lost with what to do and sick of asking the lady at shoppers for something new that wasn’t going to work anyways. I never would have thought to step foot into MD cosmetics but seriously they are not going to be an important part of my life. They do soooooo much stuff there including botox by the way. I don’t need it but you might hehehe.
My skin sucked up the mask that was put on my face so it has definitely been lacking the hydration it needs and I can’t get over how fresh and clean and soft it feels. I love that I am learning how to take care of myself because each little step boosts my confidence that much more.
After my facial I met my family along with Preston at my parents house. My Mum put on a little birthday party for my mini man because I have been so caught up in the challenge and haven’t had the time. I have put his birthday party off until the end of May so that I can fully put myself into it and give him the best party ever. If you read one of my previous blogs I feel like I have been neglecting him a little bit with all this time and attention being all about me. I am going to make it up to him though and can’t wait to do so.
My Mum is so cute, she made little signs on the front yard and to hang on the wall. She even spent the day making his cake that he asked for, a cake with oreos on it he told her. She also made his dinner request, chicken nuggets and French fries. She even made me a salad which I cut my chicken nuggets into and ate, it was delicious. Then he got to open presents and was a super happy boy getting his Ninjago and his Hatchimal that he has been waiting for forever. Such a lucky loved little boy.
It was a good night and I am feeling warm and fuzzy knowing he is super happy and perfectly content with life right now. I cant believe he is already 4!
May 10, 2017
Well voting has come to an end and as usual you guys have overwhelmed me with your support and love. I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to vote each day whether it was from 1 device or 3, every single vote helped. The amount of people who shared me on their personal pages was remarkable. I got to see tons of posts from people I didn’t even know saying they voted and cheering me on.
You all have made every step of this challenge easier on me knowing that I had an amzing network to rely on when I needed it most. So again, THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO MUCH! If you ever need a vote, a life, a pat on the back, a kick in the butt… anything, you know how to find me
Now the wait is on until Tuesday, cross your fingers and toes!
May 9, 2017
FINAL WEIGH AND MEASURE REULTS BELOW
Tonight the scale greeted me with another 4.8 pounds of LOSS. That measuring tape also put out another 5 inches of LOSS. Guess what that means ladies and gentleman???
I MADE MY CHALLENGE GOAL OF 50 POUNDS!!!
51.4 Pounds and 43 inches
I have never ever experiences a loss like this in my life. The most I have lost was 30 pounds and then I got pregnant with my so my journey ended there. I didn’t bother taking care of myself when I had a new baby to care for and, well, that is the short version on how I ballooned up to the biggest I have ever been in my 29 years of life. Now, I am almost at the lightest I have been in a very long time, just how long I still have to figure out.
After weigh in tonight we were treated to a Chef’s Table dinner at Earls in Chilliwack. Not only was the 5 course meal complete with a drink to complement each course DELICIOUS, but, hanging out with Jenny, Trish, Candace and the rest of the Top 6 ladies was so relaxing and fun! We all deserved this reward to end off the challenge so much!
Below we have a southwest salad, fish taco and a salmon dinner. MMMMMMMMMM!
And saving the BEST for last, this scrumptious dessert. The old me would h ave asked for a second even though I was bursting at the seems. Instead, I just enjoyed every last drop of my one and was so satisfied.
One more week of waiting to see where we all placed in the 2017 Total Makeover Challenge. I truly have come to the realization that I am a winner, plain and simple. I have won a group of new friends I never would have had. I have won with the gifts and services from all of the sponsors (we all know I got spoiled). I have won with my weight loss. I have won with my inch loss. I have won with my new chance at life. I am ready and ok with winning this challenge OR standing beside any other one of the Top 6 ladies when they win it.
Tonight I also made up my mind that I would like to keep my foot in the door with the Shape Your World Society and the Total Makeover Challenge. I am not sure what part I am going to play at this time but I want to pay it forward because this challenge literally saved me. I would love the opportunity to be behind the scenes helping change other women’s live and watching them blossom.
I have a long way to go in my own weight loss journey and building up my self-esteem and confidence etc. but this opportunity gave me a huuuuuuuuuuuuge jump start at it.
There is absolutely NO turning back now!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BIG BOY PRESTON. HE TURNED 4 TODAY. MAMA IS SAD SHE COULDN’T PARTAKE IN THE CELEBRATION BUT WILL BE MAKING IT UP ALL WEEK. LOVE YOU SO MUCH XOXOXO
May 8, 2017
So earlier I was a fricken mess. Just the stress of everything hit me all at once while at work trying to deal with the million things there and I fell apart. I have come a long way from where I was at 4 months ago. I used to have “break downs” almost once a day sometimes more depending. I not only have them when I let the stress of what’s going on at the moment get the better of me. Sometimes I talk my way out of them before the escalate but sometimes, like earlier, I have to just let it out.
I’m ok now. In fact I’m better than ok. I’m starting to feel the tension lifting after fashion show practice tonight. I am feeling more confident after finding my walk and after the women gave me pointers on how to get it done. I won’t be walking in a Victoria secret show anytime soon but I am feeling good about it all. It was actually a lot of fun dancing around and flaunting my curves, letting loose and laughing. Just what I needed after a hectic day. I also will not be falling on my face, nope not at all, so for those of you waiting for that moment it won’t be me!!!!!
After all this practice in heels I might just have to start wearing them to the office. I forgot how good it feels to wear them and how they give you that sexy feeling even when your hair isn’t done and you are wearing tights and a laundry day shirt. I used to love wearing heels when going out for dinner or clubbing. I used to love wearing heels to work when I first started as a legal assistant. After becoming a Mommy and gaining all this weight I couldn’t be bothered to wear anything but a pair of flats. Things are going to change because I now have the perfect height heel for work wear, going out wear or even bedroom wear hehe.
Weigh in tomorrow…. unfortunately at this point the scale is not showing me numbers I would like to see. I was hoping to make the 50 pound mark so we will see how close I can get tomorrow.
Super excited for the Chefs Table dinner we get at Earls tomorrow I will be sure to take pics and post them so y’all can be super jealous and wish you were there.
May 8, 2017
I am currently having a breakdown.
Like literally shaking, crying, panicking, sick to my stomach BREAK FRICKEN DOWN!!!!
As if the challenge coming to an end hasn’t been freaking me out enough, I not only have the fashion show to deal with but I left a video challenge I had to do to the last minute. I don’t even have a good excuse as to why I left it this long. I am also not one for taking videos and photos and feel like I didn’t get enough to document my journey. I thought for sure it was going to be easier than it is turning out to be and it’s not.
Things at home aren’t great, the weight loss seems to have plateaued even though I have been working harder at it than before. Everything is just balling up into this big huge sticky ball of mess and its stuck all over me. I am done. I am done emotionally, physically, financially, every way shape or form of doneness is what I am.
I know there is only another week left of this challenge but this week is one of the hardest beings I miss out on my son’s 4th birthday and mother’s day on top of all the other things I have already had to miss out on. Next year I vow to give him the most memorable amazing birthday he could ever imagine.
This challenge has consumed every part of my life in good ways and in bad. When I think about it, more good than bad and if given the chance, I would do it all over again. But there always comes a time when enough is enough and I have had my fill. I guess that makes the challenge almost a perfect length. Long enough to get yourself right into and going but not too long that you have to give up. Say another month longer and I probably would have had to give up for my own sanity lol.
It is amazing how typing this far has gotten me from a teary eyed hyperventilating mess to being much calmer. I am still overwhelmed and upset and picking myself apart but getting my words out without any interruptions just me and my thoughts has really helped. I must go buy a journal and try writing when I am having one of my fits so I can just write what I want when I want about what I want. I am always looking for new coping skills that don’t involve prescription drugs and thanks to blurting it all out here on my blog I have clued into a another one I did not know existed for me.
Thank you all for letting me open myself up and work out my issues. I am far from perfect you see, but I never stop striving to just be me.
May 7, 2017
Well nothing fun to report from the weekend.
Yesterday my little fam jam and I went for a little nature walk in the beautiful sunshine and then just hung out at home. I puttered around the house here and there doing some cleaning and some laundry and some playing outside and so on. This next week is bringing about so much that I won’t be home much and it’s going to take a toll on me and my son for that matter so I just tried to enjoy the weekend with him as much as I could.
Tonight was our first practice for the fashion show. The top 6 ladies in both abby and Langley got together at Save On Foods and put on our heels and turned up the music. It was a good practice. I am NOT feeling confident at all but I am trying to make the best of it. I catch myself continuing to overthink things as I am walking rather than just relax and let loose but hopfully with some practice at home this will come more easier to me the night of. I know you shouldn’t think about the walk while walking but that’s all I can think about. It’s a big walk around Phoenix too and I am a virgin on heels once again after not wearing them for so long due to my weight.
It was actually kind of fun working with the ladies and it got less stressful as the practice went on. I was partnered up with Bonnie and she has been there done that 2 years ago. Having a strong confident partner will help bring out my confidence and I think her and I could really make our walks unique and playful.
We have another practice tomorrow at the venue which will definitely help with all of our timings and knowing our marks. I just have to sit my family at a walk by part not a stopping part otherwise they will make me burst out laughing I know it. They are all so funny looking how could I not laugh, haha, just kidding!
I have a huge migraine right now I am thinking it is because of my teeth. They are absolutely killing me. There are 2 things I constantly kick myself in the ass for when it comes to not listening to what my parnets told me growing up. One of them is take care of your teeth because once you lose yoru baby ones you don’t get anymore.
My dentist phobia took over and I avoided the dentist like the plague from the dy I moved out of my parents house. I now have broken teeth and cavities everywhere. Last year I got the courage to get into the dentist and ended up having 2 extractions and it wasn’t even that bad. We made a treatment plan and I was excited to get a healthy mouth but as usual I procrastinated and didn’t go back. I am now paying for it. Luckily it is at the end of the challenge so I will deal with it all super soon. Hopefully I can pull off the #1 spot and get the dental work since I don’t have dental for 6 months because of starting a new job.
Time to try and get some sleep, TRY being the big word here since my stresses and pains are taking over I am sure it will be more awake moments than sleeping ones.
May 5, 2017
Another morning of bootcamp. I am pretty sure I won’t be walking or sitting for the next couple of days. Nicole kicked our butts literally with a leg/butt workout that was torture… but oh soooooo good!!!
I had to keep getting up at work to walk around so that everything didn’t seize on me. I was going to go to the gym on lunch and do some sprints on the treadmill but I chose not to due to the burning sensations I was feeling.
I went and had a quick little lunch with the boyfriend at Chopped Leaf. I love it that there is a healthier yummy choice when you need fast food out there. The rest of the afternoon went sooooooooooooo slow because I wanted off and the weekend to start so badly but it’s here now and I actually don’t have much plans besides stressing over the voting situation lol.
Speaking of…. did you vote? If not, please go do so now!
May 4, 2017
GUESS WHAT TODAY IS????
FROM NOW UNTIL WEDNESDAY, MAY 10, 2017 AT NOON
VOTE 10 TIMES A DAY PER DEVICE
If you are stuck on who to vote for there is 6 of us and 6 days… just saying
May 3, 2017
Holy F bomb!!!! Yesterday morning and this morning I tried pit at 6am bootcamp over at T&N fitness. I think I died 4 times over again but I lived to see another day.
Tara got us all a week free pass to T&N during the first segment as they came on as a sponsor for her. I wanted to use my pass all along but I never got the courage to do so. I wasn’t ready to be judged when I couldn’t do as well as the others. I was too scared to do the “modified” version or worse yet to not be able to do it at all.
At this point, I still felt all of those worries but I needed something new in my life not only for the challenge but to hold me accountable after the challenge. I think I may have found that at bootcamp.
My first day was 6am with Tara (yes from the challenge). She is tough! I am not a runner and I probably did the most running Tuesday morning that I have ever done and trust me that wasn’t even a lot haha. My abs and legs were so sore afterwards and for the days to come but I left there feeling absolutely fricken amazing.
No one judged me, no one even paid enough attention to me to judge me. Everyone is there for themselves and everyone has their own insecurities. Bootcamp does not give you a moment to think let alone judge your neighbour on their performance. You are so wrapped up in yourself and your workout that the others around you are nothing but a blur in your peripheral vision.
Completing that class (both days) had me once again so proud of myself for not holding back on what I can do with myself. Sure I struggled to catch my breath, sure I modified some exercises, sure I didn’t run as much as the other or stood around instead of pushing through but I did what I could and I did it with every piece of me. I have not been this sore this entire challenge. I could never make myself this sore at the gym. This is what I need. This is the kick in the ass to keep that ass shrinking that I will need once this challenge comes to an end.
It’s not only a butt kicking working out but it’s fun and it’s fast and the 6am workout gets your workout done bright and early in the day. Although I did go to the gym for some cardio later on.
I may have pushed myself a little too much or more likely didn’t have the right form because my shoulder/neck is killing me. I can’t look up or down or to the left. First injury of the challenge so I think I am doing ok. I probably just worked a muscle I haven’t this entire time.
Seriously check out T&N and the amazing Nicole, she is seriously the sweetest lady ever and so welcoming and encouraging and supportive. I am excited to get involved with her and her gym in the future… after I enjoy my free week hehehe
May 2, 2017
Today was weight in and as you can probably tell from my great mood it was a good one for me. Another 4 pounds gone and never coming back. This now brings my total to a whopping 46.6 pounds in 16 weeks. Yowza!!!! Never in my life have I lost that much weight.
That’s not all…. I won biggest inch loser tonight! 8 more inches trimmed off this bod. Total inch loss is now sitting at 38 inches, but who’s counting
Our meeting/weigh in tonight was at Jenny’s house. OMG I want to move in like yesterday. She has such a gorgeous home nestled up a mountain far away from society. Surrounded by rolling grassy land that could hold a horse or two lol. It was so beautiful inside too. It was like being I one of those homes you see in a magazine. I guess people really do live in those houses they aren’t just for show.
We made vision boards tonight. What is a vision board you ask?
“A vision board is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goal. Literally, a vision board is any sort of board on which you display images that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life.”
– Taken from makeavisionboard.com/what-is-a-vision-board/
This was my vision board:
Let me explain a little about it:
Starting at the bottom right with the words “Your story starts here and it’s about to get grand. Let Yourself Go. I chose this because even though the challenge is coming to an end I need to focus on the fact it is not the end for me it is the beginning of my very own brand new story and the only way to go is up. I need to face my fears and insecurities by letting myself go. I have made it this far and have so much further to continue.
Behind that is a photo of some hikers because I don’t want to forget my new found love of hiking. I would like to complete one hike a week whether it be big or small. This can even include a walk around a lake etc.
Next to that (going clockwise) is my dream of opening a horse rescue one day. There are too many horses sent to slaughter and I know I can’t save them all but I would like to try. To elaborate (photo of cute puppy above) on this dream I would like it to be a dog rescue as well and my Mum and I would work together saving the lives of our furry friends and rehoming them. I am sure along the way I will gain a few of my own as well.
Badass, well sometimes I need to remind myself its ok to release my inner badass and have a good time.
The Jeep represents how I have always wanted to buy a brand new vehicle straight off the lot that no one else ever owned before me. Doesn’t have to be a Jeep, in fact, probably won’t be I already have one of those.
Ha ha, the cupcake, reminds me it is ok to enjoy a cupcake once in a while just not 10 like the photo had originally.
Love, diamond ring and men’s abs and across the page a mansion because deep down that is what all women dream about in life. The love of a good man, the wedding of her dreams and a nice house to live in.
Above that you will see a semi-truck, well I have always wanted to be a trucker. My Mum has told me I have the mouth of one so why not. My semi will be pink of course and alongside me will be my son on the long trips across Canada or the states.
“Reveal Your Confidence. You’ve Earned It!” I have a new found confidence in myself. Yes, it still needs work but going from zero to where I am at today has been quite the experience. I will look at my vision board and remind myself to always shine bright and stay beautiful inside and out.
Success because who doesn’t want success and all fo the things that can come with it like money and fame. It doesn’t matter how big or how small but I want to be known as a successful woman in whatever I choose to do with my life.
Pregnant? Nope, not yet but hope to be in the next year or 2 with my second and final child.
There are some photos of places I would like to go like Paris, Disneyland (now that I won’t have the fear of not fitting in the rides), Las Vegas and somewhere like Mexico, Hawaii or the Dominican. I have been to England when I was 10 and nowhere else so I need some vacation time.
Lastly, the dove and the 100 represents my goal that I will be focusing on this year. Lose 100 pounds by the end of 2017 and to reward myself I not only will feel 1000 pounds lighter but I want to buy a horse. One that I will feel confident in taking lessons with and riding like I have always wanted. I won’t be scared I am too fat or that when I fall (because I know I will eventually) my weight will cause me to hit the ground too hard breaking something for sure. Riding makes me feel so content inside and horses make me warm and fuzzy. From the smell to the touch or even picking up the poop I love that life and miss it so much after putting my Bella Boo down a year and a half ago.
That pretty much sums up my vision board. I will hang it beside my bed so I can see it every day before I go to sleep and wake up to it every morning. Dreams really do come true if you strive to make them a reality.
By the way the Drive a Ford event that took place during the Amazing Race, so long ago I know, brought in $6,000 for the Shape Your World Society. Thanks so much for the love and support!
May 1, 2017
I am having a HARD time adjusting to my hair. Do not get me wrong, the color is perfect and the cut is gorgeous so it has nothing to do with the hairdresser or salon, it’s all me! I want to embrace this change since this challenge has been all about the change inside and outside BUT it is SO short! Obviously, it could be shorter but for me this is fricken short and I have not had this short of hair since elementary school when my Mum talked me into a bob. Me and Bob are NOT friends and never will be friends ever again.
For as long as I can remember, my hair has always brought me great comfort. On the days I couldn’t find one single thing to like about myself (and there was a lot of those days), I could always use my hair as a last resort. Put a straightening iron through it and it and run my hand across the top for some volume and I ended up with something that made me feel a little better about myself. I used to always get comments about my hair and how nice it was and it made me feel good that people thought at least that part of me was pretty.
My thyroid issues already took a toll on my hair as I got older. It was falling out a hell of a lot and breaking off from the years of straightening. I should have listened and used a heat protector. I always said my hair doesn’t grow which until now didn’t dawn on me that of course it grows, how else are my ends a different color from the top of my head. The length just didn’t get longer than it was because of the breakage and hair loss. I have so many baby hairs now it’s not funny, talk about fly aways!!! So, my excuse of “I don’t want/need a haircut because my hair doesn’t grow” is officially gone!
My hair has always been there for me in the good times and the bad. When I was nervous I liked to pick off the split ends (ha no wonder it doesn’t get longer). When I was put into a situation where I don’t know anyone or feel shy I could let it drape across my cheeks. When I felt pretty and flirty I could toss it around or twist it around my finger. I could always see it fall across my chest and land softly on my breasts. This was super handy if I was wearing a shirt that showed a little more cleavage than I liked because it covered me. It made me feel like my face wasn’t as round and pudgy as it looked to me in the mirror.
Now it’s so healthy l struggle to find a split end to pick. Who in their right mind complains about this right! LOL! It no longer drapes across my face to hid behind instead it shapes around and accentuates my chubby cheeks. I can toss and twirl it but not like I could with long hair and this length doesn’t make me feel pretty. Definitely can’t see it when I look down at myself and it won’t be doing any kind of covering of the cleavage. For most of my life I have hid behind my hair. I figured if people saw my hair then they wouldn’t see the weight I had gained or the rosacea on my face or the sadness in my voice. If it could distract me from my life then it must be able to distract those around me too.
I would probably love this new hair if I could get past being afraid of it. I have heard it at least 25 times this past week, “It’s only hair, it will grow back!”
It wasn’t “only hair” to me, to me it was my identity, my security, my comfort… it was me!!!
April 30, 2017
First and foremost, shout out to the world’s greatest Mum and Dad. Mine of course. Today is their 34 year anniversary.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MA AND PA <3
LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH. THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH AN INSPIRATION ON WHAT TRUE LOVE IS.
Shannon and I decided to go for a hike today. I was planning on doing the Abby Grind but my mind was changed because I like trying new hikes. Well today’s hike was definitely new in more ways than one. It was new because I have not hiked out in the mission/stave lake area yet. It was new because it was 7.5km which I have only done 5km max. It was new because I have never been to Hoover Lake Trail. Lastly, it was new because it was the scariest damn hike I have ever been on to date lol.
First there was some weird contraptions hanving from the trees at the very start. I of course had to go investiage and learnt that they are bug traps set up by the government to “Trap alien bugs of the forest”. Ok, cool, whatever the hell that means. I forgot to take a picture to share with you so if you want to see the Alien Bug Traps check out Hooker Lake Trail.
We continue walking and this bird keeps squawking at us which helps set the haunted mood a little bit more.
It was so deserted looking and quiet and just plain eery but we kept going anyways. Then we came to this sign:
“Private Property – If you can read this you are within range!”
I think that speaks for itself. Needless to say we did not go up that but continued up the gravel road at a faster pace.
Shannon and I both felt like someone was watching us or following us in the trees. It was so weird we kept looking back and up and around and getting goosebumps.
A little ways up we stopped for some water and then saw some guy in the bush digging a hole behind us or whatever he was doing. I wanted to run back down to the car but Shannon didn’t want to walk towards him and have to pass him just in case that hole was for us. Onwards and upward we went sketching out and keeping our eyes all over the place and doing constant checks backwards to make sure the guy wasn’t following us.
There was no one on the road for quite a ways and then finally a man and a woman and their 2 dogs that also decided to scare the crap out of us. After seeing other humans that were unharmed we felt a little bit better but still had that sense of uneasiness.
The hike is 3km mostly up a gravel logging road with forest on both sides. It follows a creek so you can hear the water the entire time as well as catch some glimpses of it and some waterfalls. It is very peaceful and also very steep so a great workout. After you reach the 3km mark you come to a sign that starts the Hoover Lake Trail. As you descend into a dark creepy forest with no people around you will probably think to yourself do I really want to do this… just do it, you will be fine. The trail follows beside an old plank logging road from back in 1978. My phone was dead at this point so I did not take any photos of it unfortunately. Finally it comes out to the lake, which again is also creepy with no people around, no noises and the logs in the water have always been scary to me for no good reason at all.
Shannon spots a cross just on the other side and wants to investigate, cool, not cool! Let’s get creeped out some more because all it is was a cross and no knowing why or what. Time to get out of here.
The trail down to the lake was down, down, down so the hike was going to be all back up. I had a brilliant idea to just scale the side of the mountain and get up to the gravel road so it was easier. Ha ha, what an idea that was. We made it so that’s that but Shannon will probably never trust my short cuts again.
By this time we were pretty comfortable with our surroundings and felt like we had conquered the worst part we are going to live and we are just 2 silly girls being scared for no reason. The walk back down to the car was soooooo long. I swear I wasn’t going to make it. I was willing to break my ankle just so we could call 911 and not have to walk anymore. It took a toll on my ankles because of the incline down and the uneven rocky gravel road. We were slipping going down too and almost biffed a few times.
However, we made it and we made it alive and well. It was a great adventure for a Sunday afternoon. Took about 2.5 to 3 hours total. We won’t be back but hey at least that goes on the list of complete hikes.
Who says we were done there, we decided to hit up the gym for a nice arm workout since we just completed our cardio for the day.
Now, I AM DONE!
April 29, 2017 – continued
That second pic reminded me that I almost forgot to tell you about something.
I went over to Optiks International today to check out some glasses and sunglasses as they are having each challenger wear them in the upcoming fashion show. I picked out a pretty pink and black Tiffany & Co sunglass frame and a Reddish black (really complimented my hair) DKNY eyeglass frame.
Optiks then challenged us to post a video or photo ad and get people to like the crap out of it. Whoever gets the most likes by Finale night gets a pair of free sunglasses. SO pretty please people click the link below and like my video so that I can be the winner. Don’t forget to check them out for all of your glasses needs.
Copy and paste the link in your browser and then like the video. You can even share it too
April 29, 2017
Today was yet another day of pure bliss. Woke up bright and early, ok fine, 8pm on a Saturday isn’t all that bright and early but it was bright and it was still early. My hair appointment was at 9am with Kristy from Fusion Hair Design. I was ready and determined to make it through this appointment and feel great about the new changes to my hair. I got there and we discussed some of the colors I like and haircuts and finally settled on what to do. I went with a reddish-brown color which I absolutely love. I will definitely keep up with this color and thinking of adding more of the red tones to it. Kristy was awesome, she is so laid back and made me comfortable and secure in the fact that I was about to cut my hair. Once the dye went in I took my glasses off so I didn’t dye them and all I could see in the mirror was a big blob of me and her and the salon. I am the blindest of blind. So it was literally all a big surprise until the unveiling at the end. Not going to lie, I felt like the color had not changed and that she styled my hair into a frizzy wavy mess but that was totally NOT what happened. Once I put my glasses on and got up close in front of a mirror it was soooooooooooooooooo beautiful. I loved it. A little shorter than I had hoped but it was so cute and fresh and healthy. I left Fusion feeling confident and so happy to have found my new hairdresser.
Next was over to the Simpsons where our photos would be taken and makeup done. I was the first one for makeup and photos. The beautiful Bethany whipped up my makeup and it was flawless just like the last time. The Arbonne products provided by Karina yet again blew me away with the coverage and how pigmented everything is. Fell in love with B’s choice of lip shade. Once makeup was done I needed to get dressed. I had to ask Andrew and Arlene for their opinion on what I should wear. I brought the black dress which was the outfit of choice from last night and I brought my “weird” blue shirt which I love. Turns out I didn’t listen very well because they wanted a more casual garden look and feel and both of my outfits were dressy. We ended up going with the shirt and black pants instead of the dress since I wore a dress last time my heart was really set on pants and a shirt anyways. The blue color really popped on me too, who knew I could wear more than just black.
We went out to the backyard of the Photoart by Simpson studio and Andrew and Arlene worked their magic yet again. Those 2 are so professional and really know what they are talking about it is blows my mind. They may pose you in awkward positions and make you tilt your head until it feels like it is going to fall off but the photos never turn out with anything but pure poise and grace and beauty. I have said it many times before but YOU NEED TO SEE THEM for photos.
I left there feeling like a million and one bucks!
It has been weird to be pampered and treated to so much in this challenge. I have never taken that me time before and in the last almost 4 months I have gotten a lot of it and I am really liking what I am seeing, not to mention what it does for the mind, body and soul.
We all need to give it up HUGE for the amazing sponsors of the Total Makeover Challenge. How could we ever thank them enough after everything they have done for us is beyond me but we can start by liking their pages and thanking them personally at the Finale Fashion Show or via Facebook message. They honestly deserve it so much, we have not had to pay for any of these services and they have stood by us the entire challenge. It gives me goosebumps that they would do this for a bunch of strangers they started off not even knowing.
My night ended with a Red Robins dinner with the boyfriend and son. I did not get the freckled lemonade I used to drink (along with 3 refills since they are bottomless) I just stuck to lemon water. I did however, get the clucks and greens I always get. THIS TIME THOUGH… instead of eating the 2 pieces of garlic ciabatta that come with it I only ate one. Instead of eating all 5 chicken strips I only ate 3. Instead of getting dressing on my salad I got it on the side and did the fork dip trick. I didn’t eat the leftovers off my son’s plate but I did try a bite of the boyfriend’s burger. When he asked me what I wanted for dessert I managed to say I am full I don’t need nothing. A breakthrough is what I call that. I left the restaurant without having to be rolled out the door because I was content and not overfull on everything I could get into my mouth. This is real life and in real life if I am going to go out for dinner I will enjoy myself to an extent and not overdo it but rather listen to my body and what it is telling me.
Now for some story book reading to Preston followed by some long awaited for cuddles and then comes the best part…. my pillow.
I tried to get more of the color in the second pic.
April 28, 2017
Today started off a good day, after all it is FRIDAY!
I got off work and met up with Shannon at JJ’s Nail Salon to get our FREE manicures which I upgraded into a full set of nails and also a pedicure. My feet needed it so bad and I cannot wait to go back and get more of that dead hard gross skin shaved off. Haha probably too much information but seriously I probably lost a pound of skin off my feet today. I love my nails and my feet for that matter. I will definitely be a repeat client for JJ’s and highly recommend you try them out. The prices are super fair as well and they are a busy salon so that speaks a lot about their business.
After my nail time I ran home and grabbed Preston (my son for those of you who don’t know) and went to Bonnie’s place for a Sweetlegs party. Holy crap ladies, if you have not tried a pair of Sweetlegs leggings before you MUST get in touch with a rep and give them a go. They come in such cute and vibrant gorgeous patterns and they are the softest leggings you will ever find on the face of this planet. I got some super cute pairs; one is a standard camo, one is blue with white polka dots and flowers and the third is just some colorful design. I should have taken a pic for you all.
What a great time hanging out with the ladies, Jenn, Bonnie and Shannon. We all have a photoshoot and hair and makeup to attend tomorrow and most of us had no clue what to wear. Jenn ended up finding a ravishing get up from the mall before the party and daaaaaaaaaaaaaaam does she ever look hot! Bonnie also found a gorgeous outfit that she will probably even wear again which is always awesome. Shannon and I tried on A LOT of stuff we brought ourselves and tried borrowing from the others. It kind of turned into a fashion show/clothing swap until 11 at night. We totally lost track of time and even my son did not want to leave he was having such a great time.
I lost all of my friends amidst loosing myself these past few years. I haven’t reached out to anyone in fear of rejection and after not being around for so long they couldn’t possibly care to hear from me. There are a few I miss so much and am disappointed we aren’t close the way we once were. Seeing their posts on Facebook I am always thinking I should have been there or I should have done that or I should be the one tagged as #BFF in that photo. I am thinking after this challenge, when I have more time since it is pretty stretched out as it is, I am going to reach out and even just ask to go on a coffee date and catch up a little. Tonight reminded me how much I need actual friends, not just acquaintances, to help me carry on through life. We did nothing crazy tonight and it was so perfect and meant so much to me to just be included in a nice relaxing girl’s night.
Once I got home I put Preston right to bed and got into my pajamas and climbed into bed and turned on some Netflix. I didn’t even watch what I put on because I had way too much running through my head about tomorrow so I started this blog entry. The girls want me to wear this black dress I just bought but I really am not sure if I like the look of it on me even though I absolutely adore the dress. I bought this cute blue dressy peplum type shirt that I was hoping everyone loved as much as I did but they did not lol. Is my dress too much for an outdoor garden shoot? I think so but in the end it’s about what I feel comfortable in and how I want to look in my shoot. Now that I say that I am thinking it is not what I want to wear. I am going to bring the black dress and my blue shirt and black pants outfit and see what Andrew and Arlene think. They are the masterminds and know what will look best on camera. It’s amazing what typing out your thoughts can do for you, isn’t it?
That brings me to my hair! I literally have not gone for a haircut or dye job for that matter since before my son was born and he will be 4 next month. You would think I have hair down to my butt, but I don’t. It’s longer but not super long. I have thyroid issues which makes me lose a heck of a lot of hair more than your average human being. I also straighten it almost every day so it is super damaged and fried. I like to say my hair does not grow but that is a lie. It grows it just breaks off and falls out and ends up staying the same length. A length I have grown comfortable with and length I don’t want to let go of. I don’t want to change it now, I have already changed so much already why my hair, ugh! I have picked out a few photos of haircuts and color jobs and am hoping the subtle change will be ok. Look at me now, I am a blubbering mess! Twirling my hair around my fingers, looking at it in the reflection of the laptop screen saying over and over its just hair it will grow (but mine won’t). Who cries over hair, it’s just hair!!!!
I think I hear the universe screaming at me to go to bed… goodnight my friends!
April 28, 2017
As I kissed my son goodbye this morning for the 26th time it really got me thinking about the things I miss out on in his little life. I don’t get to drop him off at school or pick him up from school for that matter. I don’t get to go on his class field trips or hang out in his room all day reading books and playing dinosaurs. Why must money make the world go round? Working full time has robbed my child of his Mommy. I feel absolutely terrible that I can’t be there when he wants me to be and I try to explain to him that more than anything in this word I want to be by his side every single day. The honor of watching him grow and learn every single day would be incredible. Sure I see him every day, although with this challenge not as much as I would like because of my gym visits and planning this or that or shopping for photoshoots etc. But seeing him every day isn’t enough for me. I want the quality time with him like back when I was on maternity leave. I want to crawl around on the floor being monsters or doggies. I want to jump on the trampoline or play tag in the backyard and roll down the grassy hills laughing. I want to let him win over and over when we race hot wheels down the tracks because heaven forbid Mummy wins one time. I want to do this all the time not just when I find the time.
Monday to Friday I can see my son from about 5pm to 9pm. However, at 5pm I start making dinner so I plonk him in front of the tv or tablet or a bunch of toys so that he doesn’t get in my way, unless of course he wants to try and help Mummy make dinner but most times I ask and he says no. Once dinner is done and we have eaten I need to clean up and usually that means more than just the kitchen dinner mess since there is baskets upon baskets of laundry to get done and dirty toilets to scrub. As soon as 8pm hits if I haven’t been to the gym for the day, given that I have the energy to, out the door I go for a workout. When I get back hopefully he is asleep so I can have a few minutes to unwind and get myself ready for bed, however, this usually is not the case as he likes back tickles from Mama to fall asleep to plus he has started this new thing where he cries for me and won’t sleep until I am there.
I feel so guilty that I have not been the Mother I am meant to be or that I “used” to be. Since this challenge he has grown so attached to me. I am absolutely in no way complaining about this, I fricken love this! I question whether it’s because I am not around as much as I used to be (Tuesdays I don’t even see him at all) or if it is because he is my everything and I have turned him into a Mama’s boy. Every time I leave the house whether it is for 15 minutes to the grocery store or an hour or more for the gym etc. he gets so emotional. I try to bring him everywhere I go when I can just to get some time together and because if he is anything like me I know what it’s like to feel that anxiety when you are longing to be with someone. I literally hear him tell me in his small little voice ,“I miss you Mummy” at least 9 times a day. Just this morning he said it to me 3 times before I left the house for work after he begged me to please bring him to Earth Day for preschool today. It is heartbreaking to have to tell him no I can’t I have to work. He doesn’t understand how much I want to be there but literally cannot be there if we want to keep a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and a steering wheel in my hands.
His birthday is coming up on May 9th; I have even questioned if there is time (or energy left in me) to throw him a birthday party. What kind of Mother questions that when I know how much and how long he has been waiting for HIS birthday party and NOT little Suzy or Johnny from preschool’s birthday party. He will get a birthday party with every piece I have left in me. I am going to be so busy with the challenge wrapping up but I will not let that little guy down no matter what.
At the end of the day, everything I do, I do for Preston. From waking up in the morning to going to bed at night he never leaves my mind and no decisions are made without thinking of the impact on him.
Bringing him into this world, growing this perfect ball of perfectness in my belly IS and ALWAYS will be my biggest accomplishment in life and I NEVER EVER want to let him down or break his little heart. I have never seen a little boy with so much love and affection and manners. I clearly did something right. My friend babysat him over night a few weeks back and when her daughter had to leave for school he refused to let her walk down to the door on her own (she lives in an apartment). He took her hand and walked her to the door…. my almost 4 year old did that…like that blows my mind.
Last night as he was sitting in my lap stroking my face telling me he loves me I asked him, “Why are you the most sweetest handsomest amazingest little boy on this planet?” his answer was simple,
“Because Mummy, I have 8 hearts!”
April 26, 2017
So I have been trying to find the words the past few days to share my experience this past weekend at Tigh Na Mara. I have now come to the conclusion that the reason I cannot put it down on paper is because there are no words to describe what stirred inside of me and even if I could find the words it would not do any justice as to what took place that weekend. Unfortunately this post won’t go as deep as you are probably hoping but I do feel the need to share.
Friday and Saturday was spent all day (8 to 5) in a room full of amazing women. They opened their entire life up to everyone without even knowing who we are, talk about vulnerability. Let me tell you, the challenges and struggles and heartaches these women went through were brutal. From having a child murdered to losing a husband on the job or even suffering addiction and/or sexual and physical abuse.
There were many tears shed, many goosebumps creeping over my entire body yet SO much love in the entire room. I can’t even think of a time in my life where I felt so much love and acceptance and support. These women didn’t play the victim sitting around saying “poor me” no they shared everything with us to let us know no matter your trials and tribulations in life you are not alone. There is always someone out there that knows how you feel and that has experienced what you have. There is ALWAYS someone there with their arms out to catch you when you need it. These women are not living in their stories, they are living on them and shouting them from the rooftops for all to hear. They have learned from their experiences and want to share with others so we can all learn too.
Courage… it was all over the place this past weekend. Courage is something I feel I lack in my life, something I need now more than ever. If these woman can survive the lives they have been dealt and stand tall and proud then so can I.
HUGE shout out to Jo Dibblee for inviting us to take part in this incredible seminar. You absolutely must check it out if you are able to next year because you will leave a CHANGED human being. I wish I could find the words to go deeper than this for you but I just can’t pull them out of my heart so you must experience this one on your own.
The Shape Your World Society took a chance on sending us here as it is something they have never done before and HOLY CRAP did they ever make the best decision they have ever made. I truly hope that this is something they keep doing in the future for other challengers as each and every one of them deserve this enlightening, empowering, incredible awakening.
So what did we get up to when we weren’t in the seminar you ask…
Friday during lunch we had to do speeches on what the challenge has done for us. I wrote some point form cue cards to help me get out what I needed to say without veering off track but for the most part I spoke from the heart and cannot even remember what I said. Keep your eyes peeled because I will be sharing the video once it is complete for all to see.
I even made it for a work out on Friday at the resort’s gym with my girl Shannon. Yep, even on vacation I am still getting in those workouts. Go me!!!! It was a 26 degrees in there so it was like hot yoga without the yoga lol. I am super stoked on the new arm workout Shannon taught me as I hate my arms and never know what to do to work them out so they too start shrinking or at least toning up.
Friday night we got spoiled with going to the Grotto Spa at Tigh Na Mara. OMG talk about aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-fricken-mazing!!!!! We waded in the mineral pool for 15 minutes then got out for a cold shower and hot tub then back into the mineral pool. You do this 3 times. The mineral pool is said to detoxify your body and give you a sense of pure satisfaction and relaxation. It was so beautiful too, definitely another must try at some point in your life.
We went back to our cabin and all hit the pillow pretty early since we were so beat from emotions, and stress of speeches and lack of sleep the night before. I had a migraine most of the day so I was glad to finally sleep it off and feel better for Saturday.
Saturday after the seminar we had reservations at Cedars Restaurant which is part of Tigh Na Mara. We all got prettied up and went for some dinner. 5 of us ordered the steak dinner and one of us ordered the last catch of the day. After dinner we indulged in a little dessert too. I had the chocolate peanut butter brownie with ice cream and the best part of it was that it was free as our server noticed I didn’t enjoy my steak as much and felt bad.
Full of food and love we headed on back to our cabin for a few drinks and chill out time. A couple drinks in and we had the music blaring and a whole lot of dancing, 4 hours of dancing to be exact. Carly showed us a couple choreographed dances she learnt and man oh man can that girl shake her ass… yowza! I would really love to get myself into some sort of dance for adults once I shed some more weight and feel more comfortable with myself.
We had such a fun girls night, some of the Langley girls even came and joined in on our fun. Highlight of the night was the challenges I handed out to the ladies…most of which were met with smiles but one in particular made my entire night. I won’t share it but it was unbelievable to see this woman let loose and enjoy herself.
My night ended not so great. Some personal things started going on back at home that I am not going to share. I will share this, I will never again let myself feel so helpless again. I was ready to start walking home and if it weren’t for the ocean that separated me from the mainland I would have packed up and left. It baffles me how selfish someone can be just because I am enjoying my time away and growing as woman.
Sunday hit and I was super happy to be going home. I even made it down to the ocean to collect some shells for Preston (which he loved so much). I enjoyed the bonding and all of the love and support but I missed my son very very very much. I got the biggest hug EVER from him when I walked in the door. I kid you not, that boy has never ever hugged me so tight before and it felt so good I never wanted to let go. This was our firm time being apart for so long and he is a Mama’s boy for sure.
What a remarkable weekend. There is not one of us who wasn’t touched in one way or another from this experience. So many connections made and so much to do, but first, I need to get back on track and keep up with this challenge. There is not much time left to become the winner and there is no giving up or backing down now!
April 25, 2017
So I think the 4 hour dance party Saturday night paid off because I have not lost the “No Gain” award. I had a small loss this week of 0.8 pounds but a loss none the less. I am greatful that I got to enjoy and not OVER indulge this weekend and still come out with a loss.
I have not yet shared about the weekend which I realize but a post should be coming sooner or later.
Tonight after weigh in we learnt a little about Love Languages. Turns out I like to be loved with “words of affirmation” and “acts of service”. Pretty accurate if you like me since I love being told I am appreciated and its a bonus when the dishes get done or laundry gets washed without me having to do it. When I got home I had my boyfriend do the little quiz as well and he too is a “words of affirmation” lover. Who would have known.
So today, at lunch time I went to the gym. It was definitely not long enough as my workout was only about 35 minutes but it was a great little energy boost right in the middle of the day and was better than sitting on my butt at home eating and watching tv for an hour. I am going to try to make it a couple days a week thing so that I can leave my evenings open for doing something like a bike ride or walk with my family.
Winding down from the whirlwind of the weekend has been great and tonight we got to reflect a little on just how it hit our hearts.
April 23, 2017
Home Sweet Home… I will share more later but for now to catch up on some housework and sleep.
April 21, 2017
Last night’s trip over to the Island was pretty good. It was so beautiful and despite the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach it was peaceful. I didn’t get sea sick on the ferry either so that is a bonus.
We checked into our cabin where we will be spending the next 4 days with the 6 of us Abby challengers. It is such a cute rustic little cabin. I ended up scoring a private room with a double bed which I will be sharing with Jenn.
Tonight we went to the “mastermind” meeting to kick off the conference we will be attending the rest of the weekend. It was a little awkward to be walking in quite late and at the end of the evening. I felt a little out of place at first but WOW was it ever amazing to listen to these women collaborating and coming together to work on one’s problem. You could feel the power radiating off of these women and I am excited for what the next couple of days has in store although I don’t own a business, (my Tupperware has been put on the back burner for the time being) I think I may learn a thing or two here.
Hoping my first night away from home is going to go smoothly but I have a feeling sleeping won’t come as easy as I would like beings it is already almost 2am and I will have to get up around 7am.
I just finished drafting out some points for my speech tomorrow. Yep, that’s right we have to give speeches! Luckily the speeches are in front of the camera and only a few live people. The topic is what the Total Makeover Challenge has done for me. I get emotional very easily and once I start crying it is actually super hard for me to get my words out or even think of what I want to come out of my mouth next. So my goal is to speak from the heart but to control the emotions until the end off camera so that I can get out what I need to say in the time I am allotted. There is so much I have gotten from this challenge that I won’t even be able to touch base on all of it. This challenge was a game changer for me and while I am still working hard at getting to where I need to be in life it was the kick in the ass I needed. So tomorrow during lunch I will complete the recording of my speech, pray for me lol.
As I sit in my room and type up this blog entry I can’t help but smile. I am enjoying listening to the women in the other room chit chat. They all seriously make me so warm and fuzzy inside. They are intelligent, funny, caring and so kind. This is going to be an absolutely amazing weekend and just what we all needed.
Sometimes you have to let loose, sit back, relax and let the wind ruin your hair!
April 20, 2017
Today is the big day… this Mama gets to go on a mini vacay with the ladies in the challenge. We are going to Tigh Na Mara Spa and Resort in Parksville. We will be there until Sunday. On Friday and Saturday we are taking part in a conference called The Best Kept Secret to Success in Life, Love & Business. Not too sure what it is about but sounds like it could be interesting.
Preston (my son) has been so sad the past couple of days as I have been letting him know that Mommy is going to go away for a few days and will miss him very much. He has been begging to come with me and it’s so hard to tell him he can’t when he has the biggest cutest poutiest face on him. It breaks my heart seeing tears streaming down his face as he pleads his case on why I should take him. This boy truly owns my heart that’s for sure.
I am so nervous leaving him and my house for so long. I have never been gone away from him this long. At most it has been a weekend and it is much easier when it is him leaving me (camping for the weekend with G-Ma and G-Pa) over me leaving him and the comfort of my home and boyfriend. I have such a huge knot in my tummy over it and am not looking forward to our goodbye later this afternoon.
I am also terrified to go near the ocean, actually anywhere over the Portman Bridge to be honest. It all starts with driving over the bridge and what if it falls like that bridge did in Mississippi, there is no way I would survive that. Once I cross that bridge it’s the fear of an EARTHQUAKE. Thanks to the YouTube videos of a tsunami overtaking Japan a few years ago after a huge earthquake I have not been able to let those images go. Due to reading the newspaper and comments on Facebook people have literally scared the crap out of me that Vancouver and the islands etc. are all going under water. If a tsunami comes and I am stuck in Vancouver I won’t be getting out. That brings me to the ferry, what if it sinks for whatever reason and I don’t make it on to a life boat and go down with the ship. Why my brain works like this I truly have no idea. I am constantly thinking about the what ifs even when they aren’t bloody likely. Kind of sounds as though I have a phobia of drowning to death or it is just the anxiety that consumes my every day life.
I decided to take the entire day off work today instead of go in for a half day so I could get all of my stuff together and spend time with Preston before leaving. Definitely a good idea so I was not super rushed and I got tons and tons of hugs and kisses and cuddles in. I even managed to get to the gym this morning for a 2 hour work out. Ok, let’s be honest I may have been there for 2 hours but probably only worked out 1.5 hours as I just took it slow and had lots running through my mind. I lost track of time because I didn’t mean to be there that long. Saw the beautiful Gwen and Shannon there too.
I must get going and finish my packing and what not. Speaking of packing, I know it is only 4 days but I just can’t seem to narrow down what I am brining. As soon as I take something out I panic and put it back in. What if I need this, what if I need that? I bet I will have the most crap I don’t need on this trip but I literally don’t ever go anywhere so I want to be prepared for anything. Here’s hoping it all fits!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE my new suitcase
April 18, 2017
Well after a tough week of easter chocolate here there and everywhere weigh in did not turn out all that bad. I lost another 1.6 pounds and 5 inches. I finally received the Biggest Loser award which is given to the person who lost the most percentage of body weight for that week. Being a bigger lady I have to lose more actual pounds than those of the smaller ladies to get a high enough percentage. All through out the challenge I was never able to achieve it even with 3 to 6 pound losses. Super stoked to have finally earned that recognition even if it was a smaller number.
The Top 6 in Abby and Top 6 in Langley got to have a gathering together tonight in Langley. We all went to Zealous Art to participate in a Paint Night. We ended up painting a canvas with a butterfly on it. It was the perfect thing to paint for us as I look at us all as butterflies. We came into this challenge as caterpillars with a need to grow from the inside out. We have made quite the journey to evolve into these strong amazing beautiful women we were always meant to be.
Paint Nights are so fun and I highly recommend checking one out if you never have. It is great to let loose and unwind from the craziness of every day life. It is a great stress leaver as well and I guarantee you are going to be smiling and laughing your way along all night. This was my second one (my first one was with the actual Paint Night company) and I really enjoy them. I do find it a tad hard beings as I try to be a perfectionist and it never turns out the way I see it in my head but always at the end you have this beautiful masterpiece that you stand back and look at thinking WOW I did that, I created that all on my own. Both of my paintings hang on my wall for friends and family to enjoy and I can’t wait to create my next painting.
April 16, 2017
If you have not read my blog entry from February 26, 2017, may I ask you to please take the time to go and read it now or maybe you want a refresher because you don’t recall what was written. It was the post about the Abby Grind.
The reason I ask you to go and read it is because that was my first time hiking the Abby Grind and TODAY I went back for another visit. I figure you may want to hear the difference from a month and a half ago to now.
So, after doing the grind the first time and crying and screaming and giving up the entire way to the top I swore I would never do it again. Then, I ended up making a promise to my supporters that if they helped me get into the Top 5 I would brave the mountain once again. Today was the day I carried out that promise.
I was supposed to do it yesterday but my brother decided he was going to be too hung over and I just was not ready to attempt it on my own. Today he had other plans but a couple of friends and my man stepped up to the challenge and accompanied me to the hike. I was literally sick to my stomach with the flashbacks of my first trip up. The sweat, the tears and the pain (oh god the pain). How was I ever going to make it without my brother yelling encouragement at me and refusing to let me turn back?
The moment I pulled on the dead end gravel road and saw the 50 cars in the parking lot I was done right there. The first time I went there was us and 2 other cars. We saw a couple of people on the trail but not many. There was no way we were not going to constantly be seeing people during this trip and I, always worrying what others think of me, was freaking out that people were going to see me balling my eyes out and struggling to get up the mountain. My boyfriend, Chris, reassured me that it was ok and he had my back and it doesn’t matter what these strangers thought about me. We did some stretches, got our backpacks on and started up the trail.
Just like I remembered it, out of breath and legs burning the first 5 minutes in. What did I get myself into and WHY!!!!!!! As the climb continued my legs started to mellow out a bit, while they still burned they just got used to the fact they were being used and were going to be used for quite some time.
I took it one step at a time and whenever I felt the need to break I took one. I was there for me and me only. I had to make sure I paced myself and rested when needed so that I could get myself to the top. Everyone took breaks with me and we climbed as a team rather than taking off on one another just because someone was more fit. My poor boyfriend was in so much pain due to an injury but he pushed and pushed because he wanted to see me finish on top. I am so proud of him for not giving up and turning back even though I could see the pain all over his face.
We reached half way hill, the supposed worst spot of the entire grind. I had to stop once in between just to get my balance and my breath back and then zoomed as hard as I could to the top to catch my breath once again on a flat piece of trail. I made it half way, I did it, and it came so much easier than the first time trip. Given there was no snow this time so we didn’t hit a blizzard on half way hill I had still not complained once, cried once or tried to turn around and we were half way there.
Upwards we continued, my legs and butt were burning like crazy and water was my best friend. Again, I kept taking mini breaks and then doing mini dashes up to the next flat area where I could take a couple seconds and do it all over again.
We finally hit the ¾ sign and it did not come as a relief unfortunately. I thought we were further than that and apparently so did my boyfriend when he made a comment about OMFG seriously! He too thought we were almost at the top. Obviously at this point you can’t turn around you have hiked up further than what is left to make it to the top it would be such a waste. Plus the view is what makes it all worth it. This was my first feeling of ugh, I really wouldn’t mind turning back now but I held it in and kept on going. Still no tears, yay me!
About another 10 minutes in and I was swearing a little and a couple of I can’t make its came out but I kept on going. Then we saw a cute little doggy on the path coming down and some strangers threw out some words of encouragement which I greatly appreciated.
Up next was the section which I now deem the hardest part of the Abby Grind, not half way hill like most people say. This is where I stopped and I said I am done, I can’t do it, I made it far enough. Still no tears, but my legs were aching and I was out of breath and I was just plain tired. My friends were so supportive telling me just to take it easy and take as long of a rest as I needed and we were almost there (even though they had no idea). After a few minutes I kept at it just taking it easy and keeping my mind on the prize… the view.
As soon as we rounded the last corner, I could tell we were literally in the home stretch. Another minute and we came to the sign that points to the viewpoint so I turned on my facebook live to play it for my friends, family and supporters of my journey. So so so beautiful and this time no snow and the sun was shining. I of course got my signature hands in the air looking out over the view photo done and then ate an apple and relaxed for 10 minutes before our trek back down.
Going down is what I am good at. I can move faster than going up (obviously) and I like to use this time to make up for the extra time it takes me to get up. At about 2/3 of the way down my legs were not only shaking like a bowl of jello but they felt like a hundred pounds each. My ankles were killing me and who knew your buttocks could hurt so much from climbing down a mountain. I could literally see the parking lot and my car when I had to stop for a few minutes because I thought I was going to topple head over heels if I attempted to continue the decent down.
I eventually made it all in one piece. Only this time I did not cry, I did not scream or get mad or try and talk my way out of it and I enjoyed it way more than the first time. I left today thinking that in a couple of weeks I am going to come back rather than thinking I will NEVER set foot near this mountain again.
My official time the first time was:
1 hour 45 minutes up
50 minutes down
I am super proud to report my official time today was:
1 hour 10 minutes up
32 minutes down
That is taking round trip from 2 hours and 35 minutes to 1 hour and 42 minutes. WOW! I almost shaved an entire hour off of my first trip. I know the next time I go the difference won’t be as significant but to set my goal now I am hoping to make it a complete hour difference. I also don’t think I am going to bribe my supporters for votes by saying if I make #1 I will do Abby Grind again, I am actually going to go enjoy it again in a couple of weeks even if I go at it alone.
I got to reward myself with a plate of turkey dinner cooked by my Mama and yes, I think I earned myself the mashed potatoes and gravy tonight. I passed on the bun (empty calories) loaded up on extra Brussel sprouts, cauliflower and carrots and I left before the pies came out. I noticed that for once in my life I did not have seconds and thirds and a piece of each flavor of pie overloaded with ice cream and whip cream. I went home feeling comfortable and didn’t even slip into a turkey induced coma. It was truly more fulfilling this way and even though I didn’t track my calories I know it was a well-balanced for the most party healthy meal that I enjoyed. I can’t wait for tomorrow’s turkey soup…which I WILL NOT put noodles in.
What a great Easter this has been. I hope you all enjoyed your day, whether it was yesterday, today or tomorrow, as much as I did.
April 14, 2017
I am not sure if it has really sunk in yet that I made it into the Top 6 (Top 5 plus wildcard). I know I have made it and my journey is continuing on, which it was going to either way, but the challenge does give me more motivation than I ever could have imagined. That being said, why do I not feel absolutely amazed that I have made it on to the final segment? Why do I feel guilty? Why do I feel upset about it? Why am I questioning myself and whether I should take my place in the Top 6?
I mean, we all tried so hard to earn our spot here, what makes me more deserving than the rest of the ladies who didn’t make it. Especially those that I got super close with and I know gave this everything they had and didn’t land the spot. Are they questioning why I made it and they didn’t? I had cheat days, I had numerous days of not going to the gym and days I absolutely gave up. What about those that never gave up, never cheated, always went to the gym, why am I here over them?
Maybe I am just coming down from the high of it all. The excitement of Tuesday night and the honor of receiving my awards and hearing my name being called for Top 5. What goes up must come down… right? Definitely feeling down and unmotivated at the moment. I can’t put my finger on the exact reason as to why I am feeling so torn inside but I hope to pull out of this funk and get back on track.
I do not even remember the last time I felt proud of myself… ok yes I do, when I gave birth to my little boy that I grew inside of me almost 4 years ago. As much as I am proud of myself now, I still feel as though I can do better. I need to push myself into the gym more, stop with the cheating here and there, eat more vegetables and drink my morning shakes instead of skipping breakfast. Let’s not forget the water too, it was so easy the first couple of weeks to get it all in and now I find myself feeling dehydrated yet not drinking the amount of water my body needs.
I wonder how everyone else is feeling that made Top 6. What struggles are they having, do I reach out or do I just sit here quietly thinking to myself. It seems as though I never stop thinking…
April 12, 2017
Last night Segment 2 of the Total Makeover Challenge was wrapped up into such a short sentimental evening. The Top 15 and Top 3 wildcards got dressed to the nines in our little black dresses (they were not all black but I am sure you get the point) and our towering high heels with our makeup and hair done to celebrate not only the end of segment 2 and the Top 5 plus wildcard moving forward but to celebrate how far each and every single woman has come during this challenge.
My table of support consisted of those who have stuck by me through thick and thin not only in this challenge but in my everyday life in more ways than I can count on my fingers and toes. My Mama Debbie, My Daddio Wayne, my Sherpa (big bro) Joe, my sister-in-law Courtney, my lover Chris, my handsome little prince Preston, my bestfriend/roommate Chris and my very good friend Joanne. The love that poured out from this table was felt throughout myself the entire night. I needed them there and they pulled through for me once again. Thank you “Mi Famillia”!
There were tears of joy, tears of sadness and a whole lot of shaking going on. My legs were shaking, my hands were shaking and my entire body felt weak standing up front waiting for the announcement of the Top 5 women to move onto segment 3. It started off with Gwen, followed by Jenn (with 2 N’s and the second one matters) and then finally ME… ANGIE SHANNON…. as the crowd roared with applause I can’t even explain what I felt in that moment. I felt numb, like it was all a dream. Next was Bonnie and then my girl Shannon. What a fabulous Top 5, but wait, wildcard winner Carly stepped up into the 6th spot making it the perfect girls get away.
While I was super excited to get the opportunity to continue my journey with the TMC I couldn’t help but feel sad about the other 12 women who would not be right here with me. We all worked tremendously hard to earn our way to the top and every lady must remember it is just the numbers. This challenge has a lot to do with the numbers you earn both on the scale and off the scale (challenge points). Those numbers do not define who you are, what you are or how fricken amazing you truly are. Each of you can stand tall and proud and know that you put your best foot forward and you did enough so do not second guess yourself and think what if, if only or I should have done more, because in the end someone has to win #1 and there can’t be 30 number ones. That would make it much easier on us though.
I must take this time to acknowledge some of the ladies who have now left the challenge but have not and will not leave my heart:
There are no words to describe what you mean to me. I literally owe every piece of my success to you. Had you not helped me through my panic attack before the meet and greet and even picked me up and brought me to Phenoix that night, I NEVER would have shown up. There would not have even been a day 1 for me in any of this and at the rate I was going I would have packed on another 10 or 20 pounds by now. You have been my rock throughout this challenge without a complaint (that I know of lol). Someone I could always turn to and ask questions, seek compliments, get advice and never ever be judged. You always have me smiling and will continue to do so because lady, you are stuck with me for life!
From the moment I added you on Facebook you became a motivation to push myself harder and to challenge myself more each day. You opened your arms to me in times I was falling apart and without even knowing me offered me and my son a place to come to and get away. Your determination will have you knocking down your goals each and every day.
Thank you for letting me open up and confide in you. You made being the leader of our Apprentice Team a pleasure with your advice, letting me vent and having my back. I really enjoyed our many giggles together and the memories made.
Cindy Grantham – Your really are a GILF, don’t you ever forget it! You are sweet and kind and I hope to see you around at the gym crushing your goals.
You are so real and honest and determined to make those around you proud. You always have something intelligent to say and I am so thankful for your help with keeping our team on track with the Apprentice.
You are one of a kind. Funny, beautiful and so outgoing. You were so inspiring and uplifting all of the time. Always making me smile and always making me feel welcome.
I find great comfort in you. Like me, you are fairly quiet and keep to yourself for the most part until you really get to know you and you my friend, are a powerful woman.
I am telling you now from the bottom of my heart each of you who did not make it through have all touched my life in one way or another. You have all inspired me to keep on keeping on even when times were/are tough. I won’t let you down! I will continue to earn my spot here in Top 5 because I owe you all that much.
This is not goodbye, this is see you around soon and don’t forget to check in with your friend Ang <3
April 11, 2017
The day has FINALLY come. I am FREAKING out! I couldn’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t concentrate! The only thing on my mind is did I do enough, did I give it my all, where could I have done better that could cost me making Top 5.
I know the answers to these questions. I did do enough because I did give my all and pushed myself where needed and went above and beyond where needed. Could I have done better with my diet and the gym, probably, but I am proud of where I am already and the little cheats and rest days helped me get there believe it or not. If I have to lose now and not make Top 5 I need to know for my own self that I gave 110% and I never gave up.
I literally can feel my heart and hear it beating in my chest today. I actually have to stop and catch my breath here and there even in a sitting position. The ride so far has been phenomenal and life changing already, I am not ready to be done just yet. I want to go all the way to Finale Night! Fingers, toes and hairs are all crossed…… wish me luck!
April 7, 2017
Wow, I still can’t believe I posted my actual weight yesterday. I am still feeling iffy about it now but I am learning to embrace who I am and that includes who I used to be.
After my slip yesterday I worked on being better today.
For breakfast I ate a hard boiled egg and some greek yogurt. For a snack I had some grapes and strawberries. For lunch I had a cheese stick and some turkey pepperoni along with a bunch of veggies. Dinner was a stuffed pepper and some more veggies. If I get hungry for a snack later (which I probably will since eating healthy makes you hungry, always) I will opt for some more fruit. I should have had a shake somewhere in today but you can’t always be perfect.
After work I went straight to the gym for some cardio and an arm work out. I knew with the way I was feeling if I went home I was not leaving the couch to go to the gym so at lunch I went home and grabbed my clothes. Since I can’t get to the gym in the mornings I actually really liked getting it out of the way right after work so I had the entire evening to do whatever I please. Will definitely try to do that more often.
I am counting down the days until the announcing of the Top 5. I keep running who I think the Top 5 will be through my head and every time it changes. Ever single lady in this challenge is so deserving but like any contest not everyone can win even though we are all winners in my eyes.
4 more sleeps
April 6, 2017
So I have no reason for it but today I just did not do well with healthy eating. Instead of drinking my shake for breakfast I chose to skip breakfast all together. I got hungry in the later part of the morning so had a handful of nuts that I keep in my desk. Lunch rolled around and I was picked up by my son and boyfriend for a quick bite to eat. I unfortunately agreed to go to Pizza Hut for their lunch buffet. I ended up eating 2 slices of pizza, some salad, a breadstick and a spoon full of pasta. I don’t even know why I agreed to go there when I new I wouldn’t eat anything healthy. Sure enough, I regretted it moments later. I felt bloated and sick to my stomach and groggy too. After work I decided not to go to the gym because of the way I was feeling and I didn’t end up making dinner for myself either. Nope, instead I devoured a chocolate muffin from Costco.
Why when you feel like crap do you eat like crap. You would think your body knows better but no instead it just convinces you to keep choosing the crap and making yourself feel even worse. Some days are better than others and I am able to say No No No but some days like today I fall down. You must always remember that tomorrow is a new day and Tuesday is a new weigh in. I don’t ever want to stand on that scale and have a gain in weight so I try to think about that when eating the crap.
It really is a complete lifestyle change along with a new way of thinking. You have to work so hard at it because your cravings will take over the moment you show any signs of weakness. Almost 3 months and I am still struggling with the giving in to temptations and the cravings and the being lazy and not going to the gym. It has gotten easier but it is something that you continually have to work towards if you want to see results. If I gave in every time I wanted junk food or fatty greasy foods then I would have probably gained another 20 pounds by now instead of loosing almost 40. No matter what I won’t forget how bad I was before all of this.
I was eating a chocolate bar, bag of chips, candy and a slurpee almost every night while watching a movie before bed. I was eating out at fast food places or restaurants at least once if not twice a day. I was lucky to get an entire glass of water in my body in a day, instead I reached for chocolate milk, slurpees, juice or even nothing which caused dehydration and migraines. I would snack at work on chips or chocolate and while making dinner (which was full of processed not so healthy foods) I would eat the cookies in the cupboard and after eating dinner I would have that ice cream in the freezer. Thinking about it actually make me sick to my stomach, how did I let myself get so terrible and not notice. I blocked it out I guess.
This is how I reached my heaviest weight ever…. 312.8 pounds. That is where I started this journey 3 months ago.
As I type that it brings tears to my eyes. Thinking of how much I let myself go and blamed it on being sick with my hypothyroidism and POS and severe anemia. Of course I’m fat my thyroid doesn’t run my metabolism as fast as a normal person. Of course I don’t go to the gym I am too tired because my anemia (together with my hypothyroid) sucks the life out of me.
While I know that weight gain is a symptom of Hypothyroidism and exhaustion is a part of both hypothyroid and anemia, I also know that it didn’t have to get to that point, it didn’t have to get that bad.
It didn’t have to get to the point that I would constantly wake up in the night struggling to catch my breath because my own body weight is crushing my lungs. It didn’t have to get to the point that my fingertips would be numb just from driving because I have to hold my arms on the steering wheel. It didn’t have to get to the point that my back felt like it was broken and my legs would shake and I could barely breath from a simple walk around the block with my son and dogs. I definitely could have done without the days of trying to do weird neck exercises to get rid of my double chin (ya they don’t work).
I should have fought back against my illnesses the way I am doing now, with healthy eating and exercise and fresh air not feed it with the chocolate, burgers, chips, slurpees and so on.
I am happy to report I don’t wake up in the night not being able to breath. My fingertips don’t go numb when driving let alone when doing arm day at the gym. My back… OMG my back…. it rarely ever hurts. I can walk, I can hike, I can work out and it isn’t causing me pain. My legs are getting stronger and can hold up my weight without any shaking or pain. I can run up the stairs at work and not have to catch my breath at the top before I start walking again. I still have a double chin but I am starting to notice I DO HAVE A NECK!!!! I can even wear my Mom necklace my son got me 3 years ago and pull the chain up to my nose when before it used to almost choke me out and hide in the folds of my neck or chins (not sure what it was…lol)
I have a hell of a lot more weight to lose and can just imagine how fabulous I am going to feel once it’s gone if already I am experiencing such results.
Now as I sit here before I push submit, I am scared, I am unsure and I am worried of being judged or sh!t talked. Do I really want to tell hundreds of people my weight. I have only ever told one person my weight in my life and they don’t even know that it got worse……………..
Screw it, I won’t ever be that heavy again and I have come along way and am going to continue on my way until I am at least out of the 200 club. Judge away just the way I have judged myself. I am stronger now, I can take it.
p.s. told ya I am fatter than you Joe lol
April 5, 2017
I can breathe again…. kind of! Voting ended today and boy oh boy did it ever go out with a bang. I was watching everyone’s pictures jumping all over the place for the last hour and I literally have no nails left.
HUUUUUUUUUUGE shout out to all of you amazing human beings who not only took the time to vote the last 7 days but also rushed to get your last minute votes in before noon today keeping me in 3rd for voting. After my melt down of being in 6th and worried it would only get worse from there you definitely made me proud. If I could pat you all on the back and give you a big kiss I totally would but I feel like there is too many of you to. Message me if you want to collect and we will set up a coffee date hehehe.
The weight of voting off my shoulders definitely feels good but I know as it gets closer to the Little Black Dress next Tuesday the weight will be packed right back on. My fingers and toes and all of my hair is crossed and thanks to all of my supporters and friends and family I have hope that I can make Top 5 and continue on this journey. At the same time if I don’t make Top 5 that is ok, because my journey won’t end here and I know the support won’t either. I would really love a trip for 2 and a free gym membership for a year but I could really really use the $3,000 of dental work especially now that I have to wait 6 months for dental from my new job.
I would like to take this time to invite you… yes you… my family, my friends and my supporters to come out on Tuesday, April 11, 2017 for the Little Black Dress Cocktail Party and watch the Top 5 be announced. Drinks, appies, door prizes and more to keep us all entertained. $35 per ticket and I’ve got them just find me on Facebook and message me.
Tonight was the last night of the Zumba classes I was attending on Mondays and Wednesday at St. Ann’s Church. The instructor, Deysi, is sooooo amazing and sooooo adorable and just so happens to be 8 months pregnant so she is going on leave for a few months. She says she will be back July if not sooner depending on how she is feeling. I am really going to miss it. I have never felt so comfortable in a group exercise class as I do at that class. I might try Zumba somewhere else but I will definitely be going back once Deysi is ready to start up again. Sometimes I now bust a move to whatever music is playing at my house doing the steps she has taught me lol shhhh don’t tell anyone.
April 4, 2017
I woke up this morning not even wanting to look at voting after my break down last night but after checking out my facebook and seeing all of the shares and my family and friends rooting me on it really made me warm and fuzzy inside. I am so greatful to have such a extraordinary support system. By the looks of things you all called in the troops last night and got me the votes I needed because I went and looked at my standings and I was in 3rd. While I know this can change so easily my hope has been restored. Thank you for picking me up when I really truly needed it and thank you for holding me accountable on my end of things. I am HAPPY to report that I did NOT drown my sorrows in the box full of donuts last night that were screaming my name.
Tonight was our final weight in for segment 2… wanna know where I am at?
3.2 more pounds gone for a total of 38.8 pounds!
5 more inches gone for a total of 30 inches!
My son, Preston, is 4 and weighs 38 pounds. I have shed an entire toddler from my body. No wonder it is easier to walk or hike or work out. Imagine having to carry around a toddler every day of your life that you can’t put down, seriously, that explains why I struggled so much to do anything with all that extra weight. I have a lot more to lose too but it is so exciting to put it into a visual like that.
We had the judges who judged our fundraisers come in tonight and each team had to go before them as they critiqued every piece of our event. I was very happy with what came from it and couldn’t agree more with their tips and pointers. We have until Friday to get our final numbers in and then I will release to you all what the Dazzling Divas raised from our fundraiser as I know most of you are just itching to know.
Congrats to the Top 3 Wildcards who have made it into the running for the Top5 plus wildcard. I can’t wait to not only hear Top 5 but who made it as a wildcard as they have all worked just as hard as the rest of us.
Voting is winding down and ends tomorrow at noon so one FINAL plea here on my blog, if you are reading this, make your vote count as it is all ending tomorrow and you won’t e heard.
Much love and respect.
April 3, 2017
Well tonight I had a total mental break down. BAM… hit the wall head on… DONE!
I went to Zumba and had a great time which was short lived. As soon as I hopped into my car after class I checked voting like I do every 15 minutes and I have dropped down into 6th place. Immediate tears welled up inside my eyes and my heart skipped a beat.
All hope is gone… or at least that is how I feel. While many think that is still a good standing beings its out of 15 people, it has broken me down inside. I did so well with voting in the first round coming in 2nd overall out of 30 women so I expected as good for myself this time. I hate living in a negative head space but me dropping to 6th has put me in that a funk. A funk I have taken out on my household, which I know isn’t fair.
I think the best thing for me to do is to take a step back and look at how far I come. Even if this is the end of the challenge for me it is not the end of the road, right!
In the words of Shania Twain “I ain’t no quitter!” at least not yet. Everything in me is screaming I give up but my heart is in it to win it.
Please take the time to get on over and vote for me, you won’t regret it!
April 2, 2017
Today was hiking day with my big bro and the beautiful Shannon. We chose to hit up Lindeman Lake and I am so glad we did. So far this has been my favourite hike, not easy but not too hard. It was absolutely beautiful especially when the sun was shining through the trees and the forest just lit up. We even hit snow (like it started to actually snow) about 15 minutes from the lake but the trees shelter you pretty good. Our time was about an hour up and 50 minutes down so we now have numbers to beat for next time. On the way down my legs were so shaky and my ankles were killing me but the feeling of accomplishment takes away all the pain.
The lake is gorgeous, I can not wait to see it in the summer when the sun is shining and I can jump in and not freeze so much. In some areas it is literally turquoise; I have never seen anything like it in person.
They have little camping platforms as well which you can pitch your tent on so its nice and level and you can camp right at the lake. Hauling everything up there probably sucks but it is something I really want to do with someone this summer.
I am actually learning to love the outdoors. Love the fresh air and all that mother nature has to offer. I have been missing out for far too long, that’s for sure.
After the hike on the way down Chilliwack Lake Road my brother offered Shannon and I $100 each if we ran up some stairs at the bottom of Chilliwack Lake Road. I took him up on the offer since I need to add some things to my Little Black Dress basket and that $100 could really help. With every last bit of me I ran up the stairs and stumbled my way back down. He still hasn’t sent me my email transfer but I will be sure to bug him.
My day ended with just spending some quality time with my little boy before bed time. I have to try and get some sleep for my first day at a new job tomorrow. I am sure you know me enough by now to know that is probably barely going to happen with the thoughts of what tomorrow will bring.
Until tomorrow friends keep on voting as I am stuck in 5th and need to move up in the standings. 10 times per device. Thank you
April 1, 2017
Another early morning gym sesh done this morning to EARN YOUR VOTES! Pretty please head on over and get those 10 in plus another 10 on your cellphone
A few of us Dazzling Divas then hung out in front of the Clearbrook liquor store selling some more of our booze draw tickets until it was time to go get ready for the casino night.
The Casino night was great and I am soooooooooooooooooooooo super stoked to have got in a bidding war and won. One of these days I will make the time to go with my boyfriend and enjoy the Jacuzzi Suite at Coast Hotel and a dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory. Probably will be after the challenge so I can enjoy a dinner and some treats that I need to avoid right now.
I am super sleepy and ready for bed, check out my bed head and I haven’t even slept yet!
March 31, 2017
I forgot to share my day with you yesterday due to my panic attack from voting opening again.
Yesterday was my last day working at Baker Newby. My last 3 weeks flew by and I worked my butt off to try and get all of my files updated and everything organized and in order for my replacement. All day i felt sick to my stomach with guilt. The guilt of leaving in general, but also the guilt of leaving the lawyer I was working for at a time where he needed a reliable assistant due to his other assistant being on sick leave. I hated that I left at a time where the firm itself needed me and had enough on its plate with finding replacments for others who had left. I felt guilty that I was leaving behind the woman I had become such good friends with after spending more time with her in the last 3 years than any other person in my life. Who would she confide in now and vise versa. I was also feeling sorry for myself that I figured the firm would come back at me with some sort of offer to make it worth my while to stay but that didn’t happen. It made me question myself as an assistant and whether or not I did a good enough job. Why else wouldn’t they try to keep me when they were in need of people?
My goodbye lunch was arranged for today. I had initially chosen a restraunt in Chilliwack called Frankies because I had not gotten the chance to go there yet and they have the yummiest pasta, or so I am told. I ended up chanign my mind the day before beause this week is an important week and pasta could really throw it off for me. I need one more week with a loss to earn the No Gain Award and no pasta lunch would make losing that worth it. We went to Earls and I had a salad instead. Best part was I didn’t even have to pay for myself because a friend picked up my bill as a goodbye present.
The end of the day came way too fast. I was thinking about it all day. How was I going to hold in my tears, I am too emotional. 4pm hit and I began shutting everything down for the last time. As soon as i gave my first hug tears were streaming out of my eyes and I couldn’t catch my breath. Walking down the halls for the last time was one of the hardest things ever. I have never had to do that before. I don’t quit jobs I like my comfort and security and knowing what to expect each day. I will cherish the memories I have had at the firm and am greatful to have worked for such a intelligent kind and funny lawyer who taught me more than he probably realizes.
That brings me to today, my DAY OFF!!! WOOT WOOT!!! LONG WEEKEND!!!
I woke up bright and early and went to the gym. I used to think that I love going to the gym in the evening until it closes but after today I realized how much better it is getting it over and having the entire day to do errands etc. Then at night I get to spend time with my little boy instead. Unfortunately, morning gym sesh will have to stick to day offs and weekends only. I love my sleep too much to drag my butt to the gym at 6am so I can make it to work in time. Maybe one day, but let’s be real… probably not.
Later on I met up with a couple ladies from my team and we set up in front of the Whatcom liquor store to sell our booze draw tickets. We were there for an hour and a half and did ok but definitely not as good as I imagined us doing. It was good to face my fears talking to strangers and asking for support for our amazing causes. Really what’s the worst that can happen besides someone you will probably never see again saying NO, which many people did.
I got to babysit my 7 month old nephew for the evening. I love baby cuddles. He is so adorable he had me feeling just so happy and content. He is such a good baby and I hope to get to babysit him some more. My boyfriend and I ended up taking the baby and our son out to The Canadian Brewhouse for the Rack Pack Pub Night. The children were great given the loud atmosphere. The baby ended up pulling down 2 glasses of water all over my boyfriend and the floor but no biggie. I forgot what it is like to have a baby and go out for dinner. I made a healthy choice and ate a salad not a burger and fries, yay me! I also won a Norwex gift bag and a fishing birthday party for my son. They had a ton of prizes and were all dressed like pinups… can you say hot ladies!
We then carried on home, baby got picked up, and we watched a movie. I may or may not have fallen asleep in the first 20 minutes like i always do.
Tomorrow’s plan is gym, liquor store and then Team Dollars & Sense fundraiser at the casino WITHOUT the children.
March 30, 2017
VOTING IS NOW OPEN so i am officially a blob of walking talking anxiety hehe.
In a way i wish the pictures did not move during the voting process. It would probably make it a lot easier on some of us, especially me, if we had no idea we were winning or losing. I know I am not the only one who is checking the voting site every 10/15 minutes to see if you possibly jumped up or fell down a spot. It is so nerve racking. I bet if the photos actually didn’t move I would be wishing they did. You just can’t win lol until you actually do win
So this week, I am going to earn your votes ladies and gentleman. I have been slacking slightly at the gym and not being as active as I should. So each day i vow to earn your votes by either a gym session or a hike or some zumba or something physical. There will be no rest days for you guys on voting so why should there be a rest day for me, right?
That being said, i went to Zumba yesterday and i went to the gym today so pretty please take the time to click my link below, find my photo and save your vote, not once or twice but hopefully 10 times. You also can pick up your laptop or cellphone or tablet and vote another 10 times on those as well.
I would like to end up in the Top 3 (first segment i ended up 2nd) but i am going to appreciate every single vote i get either way.
Now let’s get voting friends
March 29, 2017
I absolutely loooooooooooooove ZUMBA. It is so much fun even when you barely know the steps and such a great work out. The instructor where I go is so awesome and man oh man at 8 months pregnant she sure knows how to shake her a$$! I am sad that next week is her last week for a couple months so she can give birth and spend some time with her baby. At least in a few months when she comes back she might have a little baby at her side I can cuddle.
It is really nice having something to do with my Mum that is good for our health. I have never really been on any kind of health kick before and neither has my Mum. It’s good for us to get together once or twice a week and better ourselves, we aren’t getting any younger.
A friend’s Mom also attends, Joanne. She was the one who initially told me all about her Zumba classes and invited me to come by. I am so glad she did. She is such a strong women and I really admire her for who she is and am greatful for the fact she is involved in my life and cheering alongside me in my journey. She truly always says and shares the right things at the right time. My friend passed away over a year ago now, while I don’t want to come across as heartless, the one good thing that came from that was me connecting with his Mom. Little bugger kept her from me all this time!
For me Zumba doesn’t give me enough of an arm work out. Cardio… YES! Legs.. Yes! Arms… not so much. I decided today after Zumba to go get in a quick 30 minute arm work out and am so glad I did. I have missed the gym lately and I am going to try to make it every day this week no rest day until Tuesday.
Voting opens tomorrow… GULP! I am so anxious already. Why does it have to last 6 whole days lol. I want to thank you all now for your support and your patience while I remind you daily (maybe even a few times a day). I did really well in the first voting period coming in 2nd for highest votes. I only hope I earned all of your votes this round too!
Until tomorrow friends
March 28, 2017
Well after a not so great weigh in last week (it was still a loss though) I had a much better surprise awaiting me tonight.
Another 3 pounds GONE GONE GONE!!!!
So thankful this week was better and the weight is continuing to come off. Big or small I am going down and that is what counts.
Tonight we went to Cleos in the Sevenoaks Mall to learn how to dress for our shape. I learnt that I am a hybrid shape… apple/strawberry. Doesn’t sound very flattering but that’s ok. We were shown many different outfits that would flatter our shapes and even got to try stuff on. While most things at Cleos don’t fit me as they don’t go to my size I managed to try on a couple of dresses and after another month or so I should be able to do some shopping there. They had the cutest sunglasses there that I want so bad for only $15 so I may have to go back for a visit sooner than I think.
No gym sesh today BUT tomorrow is another night of Zumba with my Mama and the lovely Joanne <3
March 27, 2017
WHO WANTS TO ZUMBA THEIR MONDAY NIGHT AWAY TONIGHT???
My Mama and I (and a couple friends) are going tonight at St. Anne’s Church on Mayfair in Abbotsford. It is only $4.50 (cheapest drop in I have found). Last Wednesday my Mum and I went and had an absolute blast. I am super excited and want people to come out and laugh and enjoy and have a good time.
Facebook me and come say hey
March 26, 2017
Wow, what a night! Our Pub Night went better than expected. We had the place packed and we had so much fun. Thank you all for coming out and support the Dazzling Divas along with the Shape Your World Society and the Meadow Rose Society. Final numbers on what we have raised for our Apprentice segment will come later once it becomes public what all groups made. Regardless of the amount, we helped 2 amazing causes and had a lot of fun doing it. My first ever fundraiser and it was a total success.
Now that it is over, I plan on taking today off to do absolutely nothing because honestly my calves and ankles are a big tender today from the go go go hustle and bustle of yesterday. I plan on catching my breath today, taking a nap since I have missed out on those the past couple of months and just be with my family and not be so full of anxiety with a mind that won’t turn off while trying to come up with ideas to wow our guests at our event.
I did not have time to blog yesterday so I will share today how my afternoon was yesterday.
I woke up early (7am) to finish off signs and packing up the Jeep for the fundraiser and just getting all odds and ends together. Took me right up until about 11 when I had to pack up my outfit and shoes for my Top 15 photoshoot. This photoshoot kept me awake all night pondering whether or not I chose the right outfit, or the right shoes ( I ended up bringing 2 pairs and went with a black heel at the advise of the photographer’s wife), or the right accessories (which were just simple what I wear everyday). I was also freaking out over the fact that yet again I was getting FULL body pics done. If you creep my facebook you will see that this lady NEVER does full body pics. It’s usually boobs up for me. I hate my body and what I hate even more is having to look at a picture of it. I am starting to be more accepting of my body and maybe dislike it more than hatred but regardless I was not excited about these photos.
First was hair with Sandra at Art of Hair Design. I got a full head of curls with a tad of it pulled up in a poof. I was so worried the curl wouldn’t hold and it did fall out a bit but still managed to look great all night.
Next was makeup with Karina from Arbonne and Bethany from Beauty by B. Karina supplied all of the makeup from Arbonne which is completely vegan and oh so wonderful while Bethany used her talents to apply the makeup. What a transformation. I was really worried at first about the lip colour they had chosen but in the end it was actually perfect and made these lips of mine (one of my favorite features) really pop. The makeup was VERY impressive. It stayed put for the entire night. After our fundraiser my boyfriend and I went to a pool party and went swimming and let me tell ya, after coming out of being in the pool for 2 hours besides some mascara under my eyes my makeup was pretty much untouched. I was blown away.
Last came the photography sesh. I had a mini melt down walking into Fire and Ice for my make up sesh. Mostly to do with the fact that I did not want to get in front of that camera. I was not ready for being put in the spot light even if it was for only half an hour. I like being in control of the camera so I can add filters and point it in the direction of my most flattering parts. Thankfully my girl Jenn (yes with 2 n’s ) was there and as soon as she saw me she took me into her arms and calmed me down. I am super thankful she was there at that moment ( I love her). I drove the 5 minutes down the road to the photo studio and even drove past it because I needed a second to psych myself out. Firstly, what a BEAUTIFUL home and peaceful studio Andrew and Arlene have. Immediately I was welcomed by Andrew into the studio and he got Arlene to help me pick the right pair of shoes. While the poses felt a little awkward they made me so comfortable and the entire time all I could think was wow these 2 are so professional and I could honestly see the passion in Andrew’s eyes while photographing. I don’t think I could have asked to be in better hands for that moment. When he showed me a sneak peak I was breathless and even a little teary eyed. The lighting, the reflection the look on my face, just everything made me tingle inside. This man is a GENIUS! If I ever need photos don’t you best believe I will be going to Photoart by Simpson. I can’t rave enough about them. Who knows, maybe I will win this challenge and get to be the lucky one to work on a boudoir photo shoot, I am positive my boyfriend would loooooove that.
So that’s that. I overcame a lot of anxiety and stress this weekend and I have a true sense of accomplishment. I am excited to get back to ME! Now onto my relaxing day…
March 25, 2017
TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT… YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS IT!!! TONS OF SHOPPING AND THINGS TO BE WON!
FRIENDLY MIKE’S PUB
TICKETS ARE $20 AND INCLUDES DINNER
WE WILL HAVE A FEW TICKETS LEFT AT THE DOOR FOR PURCHASE
SEE YOU THERE <3
March 24, 2017
Our Pub Night fundraiser is already tomorrow. Wow, the time sure flew by. We have everything almost ready to go and are super excited to have everyone come out and have some fun with us.
I spent like 5 hours making a few signs to hang up. It took so long because I had to individually hot glue gun each gem to the sign. Needless to say, I no longer have a fingerprint on my thumb and index finger due to scolding hot glue burns. They turned out beautiful though and I am so happy to have got them finished.
I also took a couple of hours to make some candy bags for one of our giveaways. Yup, we are giving out candy to everyone even though our journeys are about health. A little treat never hurt anyone, plus we aren’t going to eat them haha.
I am happy to be the first group from Abby to do our fundraiser and have it done and out of the way. The planning and preparing etc. has really consumed my life the past couple of weeks and I feel like I have not been able to focus on me and the most important reason I am here, my health. Don’t get me wrong, I have had tons and tons of fun and loved planning and meeting with my team and coming up with everything, but me and stress don’t mix well so at this point I am glad it is almost over.
We still have a few tickets left so message me on Facebook if you want to get in on the fun!!!
March 21, 2017
Weight in day… and I did not impress unfortunately. That being said I still had a loss of 0.6 pounds which keeps me in the running for the No Gain Award. I know where I went wrong this last week. Only made it to the gym once and cheated one too many times. I am only human and when I make mistakes all I can do is try better next time and that is what I am going to do.
Here’s to a better week coming up!
March 19, 2017
Today we had a Dazzling Divas team meeting to discuss our fundraiser. This is our last week to pull everything together. It is so nerve racking and has consumed my life these past couple weeks. I am super excited to have everyone out at our event. My team is absolutely amazing and has come up with thousands of dollars in prizes and auction items. I have never done a fundraiser before and with the strong team of women I have I know the first one is going to be absolutely fabulous.
Feel free to come out on March 25, 2017 at 6pm at Friendly Mikes in Chilliwack and partake in the events (silent auction, 50/50, games etc.) or if you want to get in on an amazing contest with some great prizes contact me via facebook (Angela Shannon) and I can hook you up with tickets to win!
I love when the feeling of excitement masks the nervous feelings.
March 18, 2017
RAIN RAIN GO AWAY, WE WANT TO HIKE TODAY
Hiking didn’t happen even though it did clear up as the afternoon approached.
We ended up going to my Auntie’s house to celebrate her birthday. There was booze and pizza and cake and munchies. I picked one thing to indulge in. I am not much of a drinker so that was easy to take out of the equation. While I love greasy salty pizza I much prefer sweet stuff and junk food. The munchies were nothing extravagant so take those away as well. That leaves CAKE!!! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I love cake.
I brought my own Greek salad and half a chicken breast to eat while everyone else ate pizza. The smell didn’t even hit me like it normally does and I had no desire to even eat one piece. I passed on the nacho chips and the cheese and crackers too. And then, finally I got to savor every second of that delicious cake. It was almost too sweet but I still ate every last bite and licked my fork clean. It was sooooooooooooooooooo good! I think I just drooled down my shirt.
It’s ok to treat yourself once in awhile. Especially when you don’t go overboard. You have to be picky about it. No point in cheating on your meal plan if something is not going to actually bring you pure satisfaction and enjoyment. If you do OVER indulge, don’t freak out about it, just get back on track and do an extra cardio session.
Family get togethers are always so tempting but I think I have them covered on what to and what not to do.
March 17, 2017
Just thought I would take a minute to share with you all that I officially quite my job on Monday. I gave 3 weeks notice and my last day will be March 30, 2017. I quit to go to a different law firm so I will still be a senior legal assistant just somewhere else with a new lawyer.
I have jumped way out of my comfort zone on this one. I don’t do well with change and I have never ever in my life quit a job. It was so awkward having to tell my office manager the news and face to face to boot (I had to fight back the tears and hold my shaky hands). I totally prefer text or email but that’s not “professional. I know right now times are tough in the office with others leaving and maternity leaves and sick leaves. At this point I am covering not only my own desk but my lawyer’s other assistant’s civil desk as well as she is on leave. So I feel absolutely terrible having to leave at this point.
I have been battling with myself on whether I made the right decision. On one hand it’s better pay, super close to home (I could walk on the nice days), great benefits and the lawyer I work for used to work here and just left in the beginning of March so he is not a stranger. On the other hand, I am saying goodbye to all of my close friends (one in particular pulls at the heart strings a lot). I am saying goodbye to a lawyer I am comfortable with and who’s files have become my babies and now I have to let them go to a junior. I am saying goodbye to familiarity and my comfort. I am going to be thrown into the unknown and that is something my mind can’t let go. I have cried and cried and then cried a little more about how I just made the dumbest decision ever but what’s done is done.
All that’s left to do is embrace this change. I will save so much money on gas and not have to put so many km on my vehicle by commuting every day. I can go home during lunch and take a nap or eat at home instead of eating out as well as visit my son on the days he is home. I can walk to work and get some exercise in, even hit up the gym during lunch. A change of scenery is always good, not to mention my new desk hopefully won’t eat away at my shirts like my old desk does.
Change is scary… VERY SCARY… but I think it’s time to shake things up a bit, face my fears and create a little excitement.
Here’s to the uknown, I’m ready!
March 16, 2017
First and foremost I am going to apologize… I know it has been quite some time since I have updated my blog. I have been super busy with the fundraiser and trying to make it to the gym and trying not to eat away my emotions like I always do. I am falling apart yet again. Just when I feel like I got the hang of this “new me” I lose control all over again.
It would be so much easier to be alone; no boyfriend, no child, no family. I don’t have to make plans and when I do I can just cancel them with lame excuses (I kind of do that already). I can lay in bed and drown my emotions in a tub of tiger ice cream (and not be frowned upon) and sleep my days away until I feel like living again.
But I am not alone, I have the most important person in my life looking up at me. I can’t tell my son, “Sorry mommy is having a bad day. I’m staying in bed all day,” every day. Instead I have to fake being the best mom I can be no matter how hard or exhausting it really is. The war going on in my head takes a lot out of me and the millions of butterflies constantly fluttering around in my tummy make me sick and shaky all over.
That voice in my head toying with my deepest fears and insecurities, constantly yelling, yelling so loud I can’t hear anything else at all is Anxiety. Those tears trickling down my face like a leaky faucet and the reason I can’t see my worth or do the things I need to do in life is Anxiety. I HATE IT!!!! I HATE IT LIKE NOTHING I HAVE EVERY HATED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!
Why does it have to be so exhausting being me?
I want to remember what it is like to just be and feel “normal”!
March 14, 2017
WEIGH IN DAY!
Down 4.2 more pounds for a total of
Love the days where the numbers make me smile with pride!
March 7, 2017
Yes today was weight in AND measurements…. but I am going to start with something else so hang tight.
I ended up going to the gym last night and got in a really good work out. I did a full 30 minutes on the elliptical with a few “give it my all I got” minutes thrown in there. Every time I wanted to get off I just told myself another 5 minutes won’t hurt and before you knew it I made the half hour mark. I would really like to make it a goal to do a half an hour on the elliptical every day.
I got dropped off at the gym and decided I was going to attempt to walk home. My boyfriend kept saying he would pick me up but I figured why not see what I can do. I remember a few months ago I could barely walk for 5 minutes in the mall without my back hurting, my feet hurting and my ankles hurting. I would walk slowly and take small steps and would absolutely love if I had a cart or stroller or something to push/lean on. But last night I enjoyed every minute of walking at brisk pace nothing in front of me but the road ahead. It was late and dark and a little bit scary but to actually walk from the gym to home was yet another accomplishment I did not see happening in my life before I started this challenge. I ended up getting just over 11,000 steps today on my fitbit and my walk home gave me about 3,000 of those. So here comes yet another goal, walk home from the gym once or twice a week of course that is going to mean making it to the gym more often (another goal).
Now weight in… I lost 1.4 pounds this week plus 7 inches. Any loss is a loss, right! I am not happy with that number especially since I put a 3 pound per week goal on myself for the second segment but the thing is that I can see exactly where I went wrong and what I need to do to change that number for next week. I can stand here and say I wasn’t making the right decisions this week and I didn’t put my health and wellbeing first.
I am ready to put this last week behind me and get back up on that wagon and change those numbers to something that makes me smile both inside and out. I apologize for the constant ups and downs of wanting to succeed and then wanting to give up. That is me. That is what I do. Thank you for standing by me through all of my highs and all of my lows. No matter what I say, I bet you know that I ain’t no quitter and I will see this through to the end.
Total weight loss is 27.4 pounds.
Total inch loss is 21 inches.
March 6, 2017
I must come clean about this last week. I have fallen off the wagon a little bit. During the weekend I gave into my craving of chocolate and sweets. I am blaming it mostly on the time of the month (if you know what I mean). I have NO idea where my willpower has gone. I have NO idea where my excitement and motivation have disappeared to. I have NO idea how I could have been doing my best and giving it my all and now come to this feeling of being defeated and being done and confusing thoughts of “I got this” and “I don’t got this, I give up!”. Hoping it is just my hormones toying with my emotions.
The stress and anxiety over this fundraiser has been taking its toll on me for sure. It is another cause of this internal battle going on in my mind on whether I fight my way to the top or I throw in the towel now. My competitive side has been pushing me along quite well but my emotional state just keeps getting back up after I thought I had knocked it down.
The gym only happened twice this week, Wednesday and Thursday (keep in my mind my week is Tuesday to Tuesday because of the challenge weigh ins). I am thinking I need to go today, after all, tomorrow is weigh in day and I want to make sure I lose something to keep on track for the no gain award again.
I know I have to continue to fight through these bad days to make way for some of the best days of my life which are yet to come.
March 4, 2017
So my brother and I are starting a new thing together. A hike every week. I know a lot of people are waiting for “better” weather before they start their hiking season but take it from someone who has NEVER hiked before until now (and I have only done 2 hikes) that it is beautiful and refreshing to do a hike in this weather especially when you hit the snow. There is no reason not to start now. If I can do it, you bet your butt that you can do it and I don’t use any special snow shoes or spikes on my feet just my regular runners or hiking boots.
Today’s Saturday Hike was Teapot Hill in Chilliwack. What a walk in the park compared to the Abby Grind. The first 20 minutes was a straight up incline on a nice gravel path that really burned the calves. There were a lot of fallen trees across the path that we had to climb over or scurry around but that was keeping it interesting. Once you overcome the first part its a breeze and so peaceful walking through the forest while making your way to the top. There was one steep part which was a narrow part with a looooooooooooooooong way down on one side of you so be sure not to slip. That part reminded me of the Abby Grind except it only lasted a mere 5 minutes rather than an hour.
One thing about Teapot, for me, is while its an amazing feeling to reach the top and conquer another hike, I really wish the view was a bit better. Maybe it was because it was snowing a bit and cloudy but I feel like the trees were overgrown and blocking what could have been an amazing view. Hunting down the teapots during your hike make it all worth it though. There was some super cute ones and it made me feel super excited when I found one.
Another notch on my hiking belt, yay I left a teapot up there with a sharpie for people to sign. Maybe next weekend I will hike back up and see if people have signed it. I am hoping some of the girls from the challenge make it up there and sign it.
I wonder if I will enjoy hiking as much once the sunshine hits. I am not a fan of the sun and the heat. I prefer the colder weather and even love dancing in the rain.
Stay tuned for next week’s hike…. I am not sure what it is yet but there will be some sort of hike or exploration.
March 3, 2017
As I sit here feeling like curling in a ball and letting life pass me by, I thought I would try blogging and try and stay positive. I never know when my depression and anxiety is going to take over and cause me to completely give up on the world but when it does it is like having the little red devil on one shoulder and the little white angel on the other LITERALLY. Give up now and have pasta for lunch no one cares! Keep working hard and dig yourself out of this hole you created and have a shake or salad for lunch, everyone is rooting for you! I know I can’t let this opportunity pass me by like I have with everything else in my life so here is to trying something new to lift my spirits.
Instead of looking at everything wrong in my life at the moment and holding me back, I am going to look at what is right and pushing me forward.
I have always longed to be accepted by my family. Whether it be for the way I look, the choices I make or the relationships I am in. I have always felt like I have never made them happy or proud with who I have become. I know no matter what they have always supported me but I have always felt like they don’t understand me and the kind of person I am or the internal struggles I have. Lately, thanks to this challenge, I feel all of that changing. I can actually feel the excitement coming from them about where I am now headed and what I am going to do next. Of course they love me unconditionally but the support is more verbal and the family coming together for me is more visible. I have always sought after the acceptance of my Mum. Always felt like I wasn’t the daughter she had expected to have and agreed she should have better. I am now learning that as my walls break down and the negativity starts chipping away she has ALWAYS been my biggest supporter and will continue to be. For me family is always #1 and I WAS born into the right one after all!
2. My Son
Well, after never experiencing a miscarriage or pregnancy scare in all of my life (i know most people don’t want those things, but I did because that meant I stood a chance at producing) I was finally blessed with my baby boy. Something I have never told anyone before was that as soon as I became sexually active I was trying to get pregnant. I didn’t care if I got pregnant at 15/16 I wanted a baby to love. Looking back now, how dumb was that. As I got older I dwelled over the face that “children just weren’t in my cards” until finally one day a miracle took place. This boy has taught me so much without even know it.
He has taught me to love unconditionally and has filled my heart so full it could actually burst. There is nothing he can do that would ever make me love him any less.
He has taught me selflessness and what it is like to give your all to someone for no reason but to see them smile.
He has taught me you are never too old to have fun. Go jump in the puddles and dance in the rain. Get down on the floor and pretend your a superhero horsie flying car dog who has come to save the universe from the out of control booger eating monster dinosaurs and always ALWAYS take the slide down.
He has taught me to forgive and forget because it makes life easier in most cases. His cousin may kick him or snatch a toy from him and he may ball his eyes out like it’s the end of the world but as soon as he gets an I’m sorry its all over and they are back to playing like it never happened.
He will continually teach me things for the rest of his life without even knowing it and I will do the same for him. We will keep each other going especially on the bad days.
3. My Relationship
Talk about ups and downs and flips and burnouts. I am working on myself which is starting to reflect positively in some ways in my relationship. I feel like little changes are being made and we will be back on track in the right direction at some point soon. If not, I will have gained the confidence and strength I need to make the choice I have been too scared to make all along. I can see that my improvements physically and emotionally are stirring up something inside of him though.
4. My Job
This is definitely a work in progress. While I have a good career and bring home a decent pay cheque the passion just isn’t there. Thankfully I have a job to pay the bills and put food on the table but I feel a change in career coming on. I deserve to wake up every morning wanting to go to work and loving being there.
While most of my friendships turned into just memories after high school I have managed to stay in touch with those that mean the most and have impacted my life forever. While I want to work on rekindling those friendships and having those people more involved in my life, I am super stoked for the new friendships I have formed in this challenge. I know some are now going to be lifelong friends. Every woman has empowered me in many different ways and pushed me to go on when I wanted to give up. Listening to the struggles they have overcome and relating to each of them in one way or another has been phenomenal. We have done this challenge as a team rather than competitors against once another.
Just writing this post and thinking of everything on my mind has shown me that all it takes is a little positivity to fight through those negative thoughts and feelings because I am blessed in one way or another. Life isn’t easy but it’s worth it!
March 1, 2017
Weigh in day last night …………..(insert drumroll here)…………. 4 more pounds gone and never returning!!!! I am trying to keep my goal at anything above 2 pounds so doubling it is fantastic.
Last night was our first meeting as Top 15 plus the wildcards. I love seeing the ladies there who, despite not making it into Top 15, are pushing forward to get that wildcard spot.
We found out last night about a new CHALLENGE. We (in 3 teams) are going to fully plan and execute a successful fundraising event. Proceeds going to the Shape Your World Society and a charity of our choice. Team captains were chosen as the top 3 challengers in the Top 15. As soon as they said that I already had in my head who the captains were going to be. Imagine my surprise when I ended up being second and was called up as a team captain. I was speechless and could not even fathom the fact I had achieved that position. We ended up in teams of 5 plus the wildcards then got to choose which team they would like to work with. I am so happy about my team and am excited to get to work with them and get to know them better.
We had another amazing guest speaker come in last night too. Karen McGregor from Speaker Success Formula. She gave us some awesome tips and tricks, as well as helped us set our goals high for our fundraisers. She is sooooooooooo kind as she donated a ticket to her seminar for entrepreneurs to each team to use to raise money. The ticket is worth a whopping $2,000. What an amazing woman, we are so lucky to have someone like her on our sides so full of positivity and knowledge.
Our fundraiser will be held on March 25, 2017 so please please please save the date and come out and help us win over the judges with a fun and successful fundraiser. More details to come.
February 27, 2017
Woke up this morning a little stiff and a lot of soreness but all I can do is smile because every ache and pain is a reminder of one of my proudest moments and greatest accomplishments thus far. The outpour of support from people congratulating me for completing the Abby Grind and being called an inspiration have left me with goosebumps! While I have told everyone who has asked to hike it with me that I will not be doing it again, I know that I want to tackle that mountain again when I am ready. I need to get some easier hikes under my belt first so that the next time I push myself to that extreme I can at least enjoy it on the way up as much as I did on the way down.
Things are changing within me and they are the changes I have needed for years and years. I can not express enough how life changing this challenge is and how greatful I am to be experiencing it first hand.
February 26, 2017
Last night I got to talking with my brother and mentioned I really wanted to do a hike. He said he would be down to do one first thing in the morning so I had a brilliant idea, why not try the Abby Grind. I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I figured what the heck it’s worth a shot. WHY OH WHY DID I EVEN TEXT HIM THIS MORNING? I should have kept my big mouth shut and went ahead with my planned day of cleaning and laundry. My legs were already aching and tired, what was I thinking?
When we first got there and saw the beginning of the trail I figured ok no problem, I got this. Literally we made it to the 1/4 marker and I was begging to go back. I had gone far enough and after yesterday, my legs were beat. My brother, Joe, and my friend, Chris, encouraged me to keep going and that it wasn’t that bad. Apparently, they could see the top from where we were standing already. Me being gullible like I am, actually believed that statement. So onwards and upwards we continued.
During one of our rest breaks (which we took probably 100 of all at my request) a man came down and I asked how far up were. I wanted to scream a very bad word from the top of my lungs when I heard we were only 1/3 of the way up. He also told us we would hit snow at about half way. As soon as he was gone I plead my case as to why I needed to go back down to the car and they could go on without me. Needless to say it did not work. They both coaxed me into at least making it half way. I am only smiling in my photo below because we were on our way back down lol. On the way up I was in tears literally. My legs just couldn’t take the burning and pain.
The man we had just seen told us that 1/2 way hill was the worst part of the entire hike and if you made it up that you were good to go. So after climbing up to the top of 1/2 way hill I was done and I was turning around. Again, Joe and Chris would not let me. We had hiked for 52 minutes and they said I needed to make it to the one hour mark so I could say I went on an hour hike and then they would turn us around and go back down. Ok, 8 minutes couldn’t kill me, and we were told 1/2 way hill was the worst part so it would get better, on we went.
I don’t know how long went by but it felt like forever and I had cried a couple more times about how much my legs hurt and how I just CAN’T go on when we ran into my brother’s old social studies teacher. He told us we were about 15 minutes from the top. I judged (my bad I know) him because he was in a t-shirt and shorts and had started the same time as us and was already on his way back down that 15 minutes his time was going to be way different than my time. I asked him to give me a non fit person estimate to which he replied half hour/45 minutes max. Yet again, the guys convinced me to move along because I was so close and it was going to feel so good and I was going to be an inspiration. I continued on and so did the tears and whining and the I cants. Finally came to another couple coming down who told us it was about another 10 minutes staright up and we would be there.
I was defeated, I literally could barely pick up my feet, I just wanted to go back. I told myself over and over I was ok with how far I had come but those 2 men… they never let me give up. They literally started pushing me from behind and pulling me from the front. We eventualy ended up seeing a rock face and they promised me that was it we were pretty much there. Little did I know we had to hike up and around to get to it so it was still about another 15 minutes straight up slippery muddy slopes. I was soooooooooooo beyond done I had a breakdown and could barely breath. They STILL did not let me turn around so we kept going until FINALLY, light at the end of the tunnel….
The lookout was in smelling distance but in my head I was preparing myself for the worst because if I had to hike another 10 minutes to get to it I was going to throw up. A few more minutes and pure beauty lay before us. PURE SWEET VICTORY!
I, Angie Shannon, had not only done my first hike but I had conquered the Abby Grind! What a rush. The entire trip up I had sweat, I had cried, I had gotten wet and dirty, I was in so much pain and gave up at 1/4 way but it didn’t matter, all of that completely left my mind because I had made it, I was there. It was all worth every agonizing moment I had just experienced. The only time I had been on top of a mountain and experienced such an amazing view was when I would go quadding with my bother and drive up it. The feeling I was feeling was pure satisfaction and no quadding trip ever gave me that.
I told Joe and Chris while heading up that my mind wanted me to keep going, my heart wanted me to keep going but my legs just could not take another step… my mind and my heart won this round!
The way down was great. We took maybe one quick water break for a couple minutes and continued slip sliding our way down. Most of the way down I was laughing and smiling, something I really wish I was doing on the way up (maybe next time). The Abby Grind was now filed under one of my greatest accomplishments in life. It may not be much to some people but if you know me, then you know how much that is to me.
Our final time up was 1 hour and 45 minutes going up and 50 minutes going down. 11,780 steps and 141 flights of stairs registered onto my fitbit. The best part of all of it, I was PROUD of myself. I can not even remember the last time I was proud of myself. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without those 2 men. Anytime you need a guide and a kick in the butt to get you going contact me and I can get you in touch with 2 of the most persuasive butt kickers around.
I finally have my photo on top of a mountain that I literally climbed, I have envied those who have them for long enough…
February 25, 2017
The morning started off in a panic as I rushed out my door to Lordco for their opening at 8am. As I sat in the parking lot and the clock turned 8:03 I started to get even more anxious thinking they wouldn’t open in time and what could I do to make a costume to fit in with the rest of my team. Bam, lights turned on and bars came off the doors and I ran in and got what I needed. Phewf!
I went home gathered up the remainder of my things, my roommate and my son (left the boyfriend sleeping since he didn’t want to get up, exact reason I did not put him on my team but rather my roommates team) and went to drop off my son because there was no way he would be ok with sitting in the car that long. We were then finally on our way to meet up with everyone else at my parent’s house.
Once at the rents, things were a big kafuffle and the arguing started right away lol. But we got our poop in a group and out the door at about 9:40 to get down to Phoenix for the Amazing Race.
The costumes rocked!!! Seeing everyone smiling and laughing and jumping around all colorful and fun was just the pick me up I needed this morning. I barely slept at all last night and was so nervous for today but once there all my worries were swept away. So, you are probably wondering what my team’s costume was, we were a stick family and we named ourselves The Sticklers. Our team slogan was #YOLO and we had it on our backs and painted on the windows of our rocket ( I mean car) for the day.
At 10:30 the race was started and we zoomed out of the parking lot with the very detailed list of sponsors to visit. The night before I had stayed up mapping out where exactly they all were and where to visit first, second, third and so on. Needless to say, that list was perfect to the T and saved us a ton of time. I can thank my addiction to bidding wars for that because it is what I do every time I have like 10 pickups to do in one night to make sure I am not all over town back and forth wasting my time and gas.
We all had a job to do during the race. My brother was the driver, my dad had the list and was the navigator telling him where to go, I was the picture taker, my sister-in-law was the website looker upper (her and I later swapped jobs) and my Mama was hanging out the window with her mask getting us attention. It was priceless to see the faces of other customers in the businesses wondering why 5 people were running in with white suits on and masks over their faces looking like stick people… we were in and out leaving them speechless.
My team ended up finishing the race first, a good 20 minutes before any other team came in the door. We completed all the bonuses, visited all of the locations, uploaded all of our photos, answered all questions but ended up getting 2 wrong. One we guessed because we forgot to get the answer off the door at The Abby News and the other one we were told the wrong answer After all the points etc. were added up we ended up tying for first place with another team. That other team and our team had also went head to head for best costume and they were chosen so that win ended up being the tie breaker. They took home 1st place and we took home 2nd and my roommate’s team took home 3rd place. A great achievement for all of us!
Now the moment you have all been waiting for… I MADE TOP 15!!! Yup, that’s right I get the privilege of continuing my journey with 14 other amazing women who made it in as well. I am so excited to have this motivation to keep going because I was totally not ready to be out. Although, I would have no matter what went for that wild card spot. I hope all of the other ladies who are out of the challenge keep up their own journey and earn their way back in with the Top 5. We all deserve this and we all need this so much it is unfortunate we can’t all technically win but when it comes down to it we definitely are all winners. I, along with 9 other women, was given the “no gain” award for having absolutely no gain in weight for the entire first segment of the challenge. I really hope to carry that on through this second segment.
Well I am super tired and my legs are restless and my feet are sore, so I think it is time to hit the pillow and have some sweet dreams of where I am going to end up in the next 5 weeks of my journey.
Goodnight, sleep tight xoxo
February 24, 2017
I made it to the gym guys was MUCH needed that’s for sure.
I am super duper excited for the amazing race tomorrow. Everyone in my team but me has their costumes ready to go. We were working on mine and I guess it was a little too tight because I went to get up on a stool and split it right in the crotch lol. It was terrible material anyways. Tomorrow morning I will rush to Lordco and get a new one with a more durable material and we will rush to get it done in the morning. I am confident it will all work out and we will look great.
My family is pretty competitive. We are also a little crazy. Tomorrow is going to be a blast to say the least!!!!
February 23, 2017
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! I need the gym in my life. Why has this week just not worked out in any way shape or form for workouts. I don’t want to miss too much and fall back into that slump of laziness that I so easily can do. Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to figure out the crap and get into the gym, after all I owe it to myself.
February 22, 2017
FINALLY… voting is over! That was stressful. I truly am blown away by all of the support I received from friends and family and even strangers. It was such a jaw dropping experience to watch people sharing my posts and complete strangers throwing out words of encouragement and voting for me every day. I am so greatful to have all of my supporters and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for letting me harass you for the past week to vote every day. If I make Top 15 then I am going to have to do it again but I have no doubt in my mind that I will have all of you to lean on. If any of you EVER need support from me I will be there returning the favour. Now the wait is on till Saturday to find out if I made the cut for Top 15.
Until then my friends… much love!
February 21, 2017
Bitter sweet meeting tonight. It was the LAST meeting of segment one and the FIRST meeting of segment two. As of Saturday, 15 of us will not be moving forward into segment two. We have all worked so hard and come so far, unfortunately what it all comes down to is the #1 Challenger and in order to get there eliminations have to be made. On the plus side, anyone who does not make it to Top 15 is still able to compete. They will be on their own but are still able to attend the weekly meetings and weigh ins and as long as they keep up to the average weight loss of the Top 15 challengers they could potentially win their way in as the “wild card” and join the Top 5 in the third segment of the Challenge. I know if I don’t make Top 15 I will be working away at making the wild card, there is no way I am done yet and I will work my butt off to earn that wild card spot.
That being said, I am down another 3.8 pounds this week bringing my total loss to 22 pounds (in 5 weeks) for segment one. Inches I think is at 14 but don’t quote me on that one lol. All in all I am totally happy with these numbers and hope to be able to do that once again if I am given the honor of making it into Top 15. Can you imagine if I lose another 22 pounds, wow!
I am getting super excited for the Amazing Race this weekend. Hopefully the weather stays decent. Our costumes are almost complete and my team is ready and raring to go! Its going to be a lot of fun to have my biggest supporters at my side racing around trying to win. Just a sneak peak for my lovely followers… our team slogan is #YOLO.. because in all honestly you really do only live once so live it to the fullest.
February 19, 2017
Well I am feeling well rested after our busy weekend of the Real Me seminar, I feel like I haven’t been able to go to the gym forever even though I have squeezed in some workout sessions. I went to the gym today for a good hour and half. I made it a full half an hour on the elliptical… FINALLY!!!!! I am now up to being able to do a full hour of cardio. I literally went from about 10/15 minutes of cardio in the beginning to an hour in just 5 weeks. I never thought that would be possible at least not that fast. I just kept telling myself it’s only another 5 minutes you can do that over and over and bam finally it was 30 full minutes. I left my gym sesh today feeling on top of the world… I got this! I am sure my raging anxiety over the voting was also a big help.
We are on Day 4 of voting and I could not be more ecstatic over the amount of support being thrown my way. People sharing my posts and actually asking their friends and family to vote for me and how proud of me they are and how badly they want this for me is just surreal. I knew I was supported but until now I never realized just how much. Comments from strangers on posts saying they took the time to give me their votes and words of encouragement and love is absolutely phenomenal. You have all made my life a little brighter and I can’t thank you enough.
3 More days of voting to go, wooooosaaaaahhhhh!
February 18, 2017
All I can say is WOW. The Real Me seminar touched places in my soul that have not been touched in ages. It really dug deep into the issues in my life that I have let control me over the years. I was able to let go of some pain and offer forgiveness to those I should have long ago. Lot’s of tears were shed to say the least.
The most memorable moment was a group exercise where we had to get into groups of 5. We were then told to image we were on a cruise ship that had just hit an iceberg and we were all getting ready to evacuate before the boat sank but there was a problem… there was only enough life boats for 2 out of the 5 people in your group and we had to plead our case on why it should be us on that boat and not the other 4 members. From children to bunnies we laid everything out on the table begging for the chance to live. Then as a group we had to make that choice. Needless to say, despite the fact I am a 29 year old mommy of a 3 year old, don’t want to die with regrets and have so much more to offer this world, I was chosen to SINK! I was ok with that because the 2 ladies who were chosen to survive needed it more than I and they truly had my best interests at heart. I know if this were a true story, without a doubt in my mind, they would carry out my last wishes. When it was time to say goodbye it was so real, I could barely get my words out trying to choke back the tears. I am afraid of death! I am afraid to leave behind my family and most of all my son. I am afraid of what comes after death, maybe nothing at all, maybe another life free from the pain and sorrow of today’s world.
This exercise was one of the most intense things I have experienced even more than day 2 of the seminar when we had to write our own Eugology (I am not even going to go there). I know that these women will always be special to me but I truly believe the bond we made in that hour was one that will never be broken and my fellow competitors are not just that, they are lifelong friends. Who knew in just 5 weeks I would enter the hearts of these strangers and they mine.
I came into this challenge excepting to walk away with new experiences, never did it cross my mind I was going to walk away with these new friends, after all it was a competition right. Wrong, it is so much more than that and I am ever so greatful I have been given this chance to do what I am doing and to feel what I am feeling. I could not ask for a better group of women to be alongside me in this and it breaks my heart that on Saturday half of us will be gone.
We have all come so far and no matter the outcome we are all winners and I am honored to just be in this and to be finding the REAL ME!
February 16, 2017
Voting has opened and I am absolutely speechless with all of the votes and support being given on my journey. I can’t thank you enough, but I can try:
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
From the bottom of my heart thank you!
p.s sorry if I annoy you the next 7 days please keep on loving me lol
February 15, 2017
Tonight was the first night of the Real Me seminar. From the talks and the activities and sharing we had to do I can tell this event is going to blow some minds and stir up a heck of a lot of emotions. It’s going to be great… besides the chairs! They are terrible for sitting in for long period of time. My back and bum hurt soooooo bad lol. I wonder if we can bring our own hmmmmm.
I haven’t made it to the gym for days I actually feel myself feening to go. I miss it. I especially miss the feeling you get afterwards like you can conquer anything such as hiking the grouse grind. While I may feel like I can I probably can’t at this point but you better believe it’s going on my list of to dos this year.
My plan is to get back at it tomorrow and work hard for my votes… speaking of votes… did I mention Voting opens tomorrow at 3pm. SURPRISE!!!! You can vote for your favourite challenger/challengers up to 10 times per day per IP address. I thank you now for your votes and love and support.
February 14, 2017,
I have officially determined I hate my $150 fitbit scale and it was a waste of every penny lol!!!! It had me going into tonight’s meeting feeling completely down thinking I lost just under a pound only… the jerk was wrong! I lost 4.2 pounds ladies and gentlemen, bringing my running total to 18.2 pounds down in 4 weeks. I have also lost a total of 12.5 inches. What a fabulous feeling to feel. I feel happier. I feel lighter. I feel straighter. I feel smaller. I feel like things will just keep getting better and better and better the more I give my all and the more I believe in myself.
Tomorrow is day one of the Real Me seminar which I am excited for but also very nervous for. I was told to bring Kleenex as it was going to be a night to remember full of tears both happy and sad. It will be hard to let my guard down will all of these women. I am so afraid of judgment or awkwardness or being put on the spot. Regardless, I am going to go in this with my mind open and really try my hardest to open up and dig deep so that I can get the absolute most out of this possible.
Until tomorrow lovelies… xoxo
February 13, 2017
Today was an OFF day for me. I am weak, I am tired, I am angry, I am sad, I am lacking motivation, I am just not feeling it! I used to have these days every day prior to the Challenge. Since I started 4 weeks ago these days have not happened so often or felt as strong until today! My bed was calling my name and my house just wanted to keep me cooped up inside. I had plans to introduce my friend to Club 16 today because of how much I enjoy it there and when 4pm rolled around I text her saying let’s go and long story short… we didn’t go. My only motivation backed out on me so I stayed in bed a little longer. It probably wasn’t fair of me to do this on family day but anxiety doesn’t care what holiday it is when it rears its ugly head.
My man and my son managed to get me up and out and we went for a swim. It was so cute, I was doing laps while my boyfriend pushed my son on a mat beside me up and down and up and down the pool cheering me on. I ended up ending the day on a positive note and look forward to a new day tomorrow! Family, because when you have nothing else… you ALWAYS have them <3 <3 <3
February 11, 2017
Who would look at me and say this girl works out? Probably no one but guess what??? I DO!!!!!
This girl works out 5 to 6 days a week and today, today this girl hit the gym hard at not only 9am in the morning but again at 8:30pm… say whaaaaaat? Ya, I am just as surprised as you all are. In fact, I am thinking of making Saturday a double whammy kind of day by getting up early morning and going and doing a warm up and my weight training and then doing a full hour of cardio in the evening. I actually enjoyed it broken up like that and was so proud of myself making it twice in one day.
I think the gym may be the start of a beautiful addiction. Not only that, I find myself talking about health, healthy eating and working out much much more than I used to. Sometimes, I have to tell myself ok shut up Ang, you don’t need to keep dropping health facts on your parents or you don’t always need to tell your boyfriend you managed to do 3 more crunchies than yesterday at the gym. So I apologize if my constant banter has annoyed anyone, my best piece of advice is just smile and nod and let me do my thang haha.
One of my best friends and I stopped talking back in October, over what? Probably something stupid like we always do but we have talked a little the past couple days and today she was my motivation for my second trip to the gym. I was so stoked to have someone to chat with and to drop all my new found knowledge and excitement on. The friends I have made in the challenge are great but there’s nothing like the comfort of a friend of 16 years. She seems to be interested in my journey and having health problems of her own even possibly become my partner in crime one more time while fighting for our health.
This brings me to another goal this challenge will help me achieve. Rebuilding my friendships. I need my girls in my life to lean on, to cheer me on, to take me out on the town and to just be in my life through all its twists and turns. One thing I know is I have always tried to be the best friend I could but I have let things such as my boyfriend, my son and my anxiety get in the way of actually being that friend I know I can be. So here is to all my girls… I miss you and can’t wait to create more amazing beautiful memories with you. Thank you for all you have done and all you will do in my life and for never giving up on me. I am here now, let me be your rock!
These photos represent some of the fabulous strong women who have been in my life over the years that will forever hold a place in my heart! They are encouraging, supportive, loving, amazing mothers/girlfriends/sisters and most of all the best friends a girl could have.
Well last night was weigh in… like always I get worked up about it all day. I don’t understand why I can’t control the anxiety about it and why I let it affect me so badly. All I can hope for every time is that the number went down not up… whether it be half a pound or a few pounds, to me any decline in weight is a positive, at least that is what I try and tell myself.
Last night I lost another 1.8 pounds, which is great beings average is .5 to 1.5 pounds per week but for some reason in my mind I can’t look at it as being great. I look at is as I didn’t try enough I need to do better. Maybe I can do better but maybe I did do the best I could and that’s just the outcome this time around. Either way you can probably tell it plays with my mind ALOT. My goal for next weeks weigh in is to double that number so 3.6 pounds, now I know what I am working towards.
Last night was a fun informative night. Gina from Herbalife talked to us all bout poop. Yep, you heard that right. The importance of having regular bowel movements and what’s healthy and what isn’t (see below lol). TMI… but I feel like I am pretty normal
After our poop talk, we split up into 2 groups and headed on over to the Whatcom Save on Foods and Shoppers Drug Mart.
At Shoppers drug mart we got to watch Carly (she was the winner of the makeup application because she lost a whopping 7.8 pounds… way to go girl!) get her makeup done by a Stila rep. We got to talk about makeup and techniques and even got to play around with some of it and see what we liked. I am definitely going to go back when I have more time and more money. They are so sweet and helpful over there, we even got to take home a little goody bag of treats to beautify ourselves.
At Save on Foods we went for a nutrition tour around the store. We had a guide who went through Canada’s Food Guide with us and gave us lots of tips such as when buying yogurt don’t buy 0% milk fat because that means they have taken out the fat but added something else in it’s place to make it creamy and good instead try going with a 2% or lower. I also learnt that Babybel cheese (the little round ones everyone loves) is REAL cheese, however, Laughing Cow is processed cheese. So much to take away from that tour and I highly recommend booking in for one on your own because it is available to the public.
The things these amazing women who run this challenge set up for us is just beyond words. I am so greatful to be here today and experiencing all of this and filling my head and life with all of this information and wisdom. I will probably say this more than once, if you have ever though about signing up for this challenge, DO IT, do not think about it just jump head first like I did. I promise you will not regret it and I am only 3 weeks into it.
i managed to peel myself out of the bed and away from my pity party. I went to the wave pool and visited the gym. It was so quiet and I loved every minute of it. I may just go there a little more often too when the need calls for it. My boyfriend and son met me right after and we went and had a quick swim which was fun and helped me let loose and let go of the anxiety.
I feel much better now
So much for going to the gym yet again… instead I will just continue to curl up in a ball in my bed crying and angry, that’s what I do best anyways. Really it’s not about being a baby because I couldn’t go to the gym it’s more than that. It’s the fact I have given 14 plus years of my life to the same man who continues to let me down day after day. I have been there through every trial and tribulation he has gone through whether it was his struggles with addiction or medical issues or the many other ups as downs of the many years we have spent together.
I think back and literally can’t remember a time he was truly there for me with love and encouragement. All I remember is this time he let me down or that time he couldn’t be my rock like he should have been. When I went to school to become a legal assitant he made it difficult to complete he didn’t even want to go to my graduation. When I was in labor with his child he slept through me almost dying from fentanyl (given by the hospital )while my sister in law didn’t sleep a wink for the entire 33 hours of labor. He definitely isn’t here supporting me now, not one single comment or emoticon or like on my Facebook pictures or status updates. I have to ask family to watch my son for our Tuesday meetings and even find someone for some of my gym trips. Do you think he’s eating healthy with me… hell no!!! He brings bags of candies and chocolate and chips and pop home almost every day. My first day of the challenge he woke me up climbing into bed with a huge plate of nachos and cheese. Sure he acted all happy and excited for me when I found out I was accepted into this challenge but now I see it was all fake. Why would he want me to change. Why would he want me to love myself and feel better about who I am and how I look when I might finally gain the courage to leave him behind and find someone who deserves me.
He always gets to do what he wants when he wants for however long he wants. I have to be the one to stay home with our son. I asked for one hour today. That’s is. 4pm to 5pm to go to the gym. I would have went earlier but I let him sleep in until 11 and then he wanted to go out and spend hours shoveling the snow and hanging out in his dungeon (garage). I mentioned over and over the gym closes at 5 I have to go today. He leaves at 2:30 so I text saying please make sure your home before 4. Despite the migraine I have had all day I change and get ready to go so I can leave right sway. 4pm rolls around, surprise surprise he doesn’t get home until 4:17 and while I could have went and got in a half hour work out I was defeated! So here I lay instead, envious of the woman who have the supportive loving caring man in her life who knows when she needs to be put first for once
I’m thankful for the support I do have, from my fellow challengers, to the businesses and people sponsoring the event to my family who will always catch me when I fall.
I will try and get out of this slump I’m in now and go for a swim or something with my son.
February 4, 2017
So the snow we have had in the last 24 hours is unbelievable. Everyone is complaining but I absolutely love it. It is so beautiful and makes everything so quiet and peaceful. The roads are terrible and it has been advised that you should not venture outside unless you absolutely have to. Soooooo no running the stairs in chilliwack with my brother today which sucks. BUT the wonderful Kara from Parallel Yoga put on a snow day yoga class via Facebook live. It was awesome doing yoga in the comfort of my own living, I didn’t even have to put on a bra (and I didn’t lol). My son even joined in a little and it was so fun.
Going to stay in today and enjoy it maybe do some housework and build a snowman.
Be safe out there!
February 3, 2017
Just wanted to let all of my followers know that I absolutely love the support and am so thankful for the encouragement and suggestions thrown my way. If you want to follow my journey on facebook please join my group Angie’s TMC Journey 2017.(https://www.facebook.com/groups/1649533228685470/)
I am really trying to come out of hiding in that group by posting foods I am eating, videos, pictures and details of the challenge. It also helps with not flooding my personal Facebook wall with stuff. Obviously, everyone doesn’t want to know how much weight I lost or what I had for lunch all week.
No more hiding for me so please come join me on this magical adventure.
February 1, 2017
GOOD NEWS…. I am down another 4.8 pounds for the week. In total I have lost 6.25 inches. While I am super happy about the pounds lost I am not so happy with my inches lost. So, what can I do to improve that number is now what I will be working on. I honestly feel a big difference in the size of my tummy, it is not as bloated and doesn’t stick out as far lol. My hips lost 2 inches but I didn’t even notice that compared to my tummy and my tummy only lost half an inch, weird.
Last nights meeting was unbelievable. Not only did it start off with an fabulous gift of 50 minutes free or a free spray tan from Dawn at Fabutan (thank you so much, I can not wait to get in for some vitamin D this weekend) but it ended with a WOOOOOOW!
We had a very eye opening talk from Heather Reider (Life Coach) and Kim Mallory (Pink Stilleto) on self esteem and loving yourself. Words can not even describe the things they stirred up inside of me. Everything they had to say had me shaking my head, omg, that is me, that is my life. Rather than make a huge post about EVERYTHING, I am going to share what stood out for me the most.
Somewhere along my life I became a very negative person. It doesn’t matter what it is I am always pointing out the what ifs and the but this, but that and throwing out the “that sucks” and “that’s not good” and “I don’t want to do/try that.” I also see now I am constantly judging people, not even to make myself feel better because it never does make me feel better, but just for the pure fact I am so wrapped up in my negativity that I can’t see any light to the world anymore. I am a true Negative Nancy. Most of my negativity is because of who I am today and the pure hatred I feel for myself. How can I see the good in others if I can not see the good in myself. How do I expect to live a positive life if all I put out to the universe is negativity. I have been this way for so long now that I feel like it’s impossible to change (there’s me being negative again). Impossible…. I’m Possible! I can change, I will change, that is what this challenge is all about, it won’t be easy but it will be worth it. I will start small, say something I love about myself every morning while getting ready (I know there must be something) and give at least one compliment to a stranger a day. I will keep my negative comments to myself until eventually they turn into positivity that I can say out loud and proud.
My mom broke my heart a few months ago, actually on my birthday in October of last year. We were on our way to the states so I could pick up my Halloween costume before my birthday dinner at their place. Somehow we got into a heated discussion and she told me I am always negative, so much so, that my brother who I used to be so close with doesn’t even want to be around me anymore. I fought back the tears so hard and just stared out the window thinking how close me and my brother once were and how we went from talking a couple times a day to maybe once a week. We never hang out or do anything as a family group anymore and my son is lucky to see his favorite Uncle a couple times a month. My parents don’t invite us for dinner as much anymore and I don’t blame them. Did I change then and there, nope not at all. I let myself believe that I can’t help who I am, the anxiety and depression I feel every day is what drags me down and makes me this way. While yes it is true, anxiety and depression make my life difficult at time it does not mean I have to let it win all the time. I can fight back! Seeking help for it is probably a good place to start but if I can just force some positivity into my life things will start looking up. Negative attracts negative, positive attracts positive. I got this!
That brings me to the end of class, I can not even give myself a compliment let alone take a compliment from someone. Rather than say thank you and accepting that someone has something nice to say I am replying with “ya, but you can see my rolls through this shirt” or some other statement so that that compliment has no real meaning and out the window it goes. It is quite possible my boyfriend is not just an a$$ who never compliments me, it could be that I have made him scared to give a compliment when I just can’t accept it as it is.
So at the end of the night, we had to sit in a circle staring at one another and be put in the spotlight one at a time. Our fellow contestants had to blurt out compliments to whoever was up at that time. From things like “I love your hair” to “You are dedicated” and you had to take it at face value and reply with a “thank-you”. I was about half way point in the circle. I loved giving the compliments to the girls and watching their faces light up with smiles and laughter and even some tears. However, as it got closer and closer to me I could feel my anxiety rearing its ugly little head, it wasn’t even my turn yet and I was ready to cry just thinking about the attention I was about to receive. A few ladies before me, my hands started to shake, my mouth went dry and I couldn’t even swallow. Once all eyes were on me I honestly could barely even concentrate on what was being said (the camera doesn’t help) because I could literally feel my heart pounding so hard in my chest and hear it pounding so loud in my ears. I really wish I could have enjoyed that moment much more and not freaked out inside and been all nervous about it but it was a start… a start at showing me “I am worthy!”. Thank you ladies for your kind words, I seriously love all of you.
January 31, 2017
Week 2 weigh in and measurements tonight. The anxiety is always through the roof when this day approaches. I can barely eat or think about anything else but what that scale is going to say tonight. I need to figure out some techniques that work to control that anxiety because it really does get the better of me. It makes it hard to eat and hard to focus on work all day long. Again, I know it is just a number and it doesn’t define who I am or how far I am going to go in this challenge but I just can’t stand the thought of seeing no change in that number and if it’s a plus number… I am not even sure I could handle that so early in the game.
So fingers crossed tonight turns out just as great as last week.
January 29, 2017
Sunday, my day off, my day to sleep in… NOT ANY MORE!!! Sundays at 8am you will now find me at Club 16/Shes Fit doing my thang! Miss Tara has officially started the Sunday Morning Workout Crew lol. Yes I was tired, yes I was a tad grumpy but it felt great to get out that early in the morning and get my workout in.
After a great workout, Sarah and I went to Hatha at Parallel Yoga. It was a tad more difficult after being at the gym for an hour and a half prior but I think this too will be a new ritual on Sunday mornings. I am done by noon so it leaves the entire afternoon to take my son to the park or swimming or on a bike ride.
I used to look forward to spending my Sundays at home doing nothing. I mean nothing! Watching a season of The Walking Dead, maybe doing some laundry and a couple dishes. How things have changed and for the better, no looking back now.
*** See below for my “I’m here, what’s your excuse face?” ***
January 28, 2017
I have been struggling with something this week that is too personal to air out in my blog and it has been dragging me down both mentally and physically. I haven’t attended the gym as I should have or even been that active at all. I have even cheated myself into a couple treats because that is what I do when my emotions get the best of me, turn to food! I can see it more clearly now, why I am where I am and the patterns I need to break. Now to gain the courage and strength to do something about it.
I finally made it to the gym yesterday. I was dreading it as I walked through the doors thinking to myself I don’t really have to go if I don’t want to. I can turn around and walk away right now. I am so happy I was able to force out the demon telling me to just have another night at home on the couch because once I started I didn’t want to stop. I enjoyed every burn, ache and groan.
My first day at the gym I was barely able to walk for 5 minutes at a 2.0 speed and 0 incline on the treadmill due to pain in my lower back and calves and obviously just being lazy. Yesterday I did 16 minutes (nonstop) at a 2.6 speed with a 4.0 incline. To some, that is easy peasy, but if you saw me a week ago you would be just as excited as I am to see these changes occurring with my body. Not only that, I went from 7 minutes on the stationary bike to completing a full 25 minute program. I am stoked! If that was not the motivation and pat on the back I needed to keep giving it my all I don’t know what was.
That’s not all… I made 10,000 steps. FINALLY – I DID IT!!! Actually I did 10,484 to be exact. Before this challenge I was lucky to make 4 or 5000. I would go to work, which is an office job, and maybe get 2000. Once home I would make dinner or do some laundry, the normal things you do when you get home from work and then I would plonk myself on the couch in front of some Netflix and pretty much do nothing until bed time. Yes, I was definitely underactive.
If after just one week, my body can change that much, imagine what it is going to do in 4 months.
January 24, 2017
A big day was upon us today, first week weigh in. I tried to work without having it cross my mind every 30 seconds, but that was damn near impossible. I ended up running out on my lunch break to grab a scale from Walmart since my fitbit scale has disappeared L. The suspense was killing me. I brought the scale inside to my desk, immediately ripped it out of the box and placed it on the floor, took a deep breath and stepped on… well there was no way I could have lost 15 pounds so something must be wrong with this thing. I ended up asking a couple of co-workers in the area to stand on it and see if they thought it was accurate and they seemed to think it was adding extra pounds, but that would mean I lost even more than 15 pounds. It must be the carpet causing a problem even though it’s a harder type carpet. So I took the scale into the lunchroom and had my workplace bestie stand on it since I know she weighs herself every day and would know for sure if its off. It told her she had gained 10 pounds, she was NOT happy with that especially since she works so hard on her healthy eating and working out (healthiest person I know seriously). So much for giving myself a piece of mind.
I decided that no matter what it said for anyone or myself, that damn broken scale never once weighed me more than what I had started out at one week ago and that has to be a good sign. Whether it be half a pound or 5 pounds, I am content with the fact that either way my work outs and clean eating must have paid off this week.
All that’s left to do is show up at the meeting tonight and hold my head high because I gave it my all this week and regardless of the number on the scale I can feel changes already occurring in my body.
Results to come tomorrow
January 21, 2017
I tried out Hatha today at Parallel Yoga, it was fantastic. It was the perfect balance between an all body work out, stretching and relaxation. I am definitely a fan and will be making it a weekly thing. The Saturday class was so popular they had to open the second studio and facetime an ipad for the people in that studio. We were squishy but no one minded because at yoga you don’t mind anything, you are just there, in the moment. I wish I could find the time to do this every day.
After Yoga we visited another Challenge sponsor, Clik Coffee Bistro. I had a citrus chamomile tea and for the first time ever I had tea without milk and sugar and actually enjoyed it even though I burnt my tongue. I also managed to look past all of the yummy looking baked goods in the display case and went home to have my first cookies and cream meal replacement shake for lunch. That too was absolutely delicious.
I feel like I was so close minded before even though I would have considered myself to be of an open mind. I always thought I never liked this or never like that or this was gross and that was gross and so on. Now that I have actually opened my mind to trying new things I am learning that I do like no sugar or milk in my tea, I do like protein shakes, I do LOVE yoga and so on.
Here’s to many more new likes and more open mindedness on the road to healthy.
January 20, 2017
Thank-you Parallel Yoga for opening the doors to a new found love… Yoga. It was amazing! I did a class called Restorative today with a couple of the beauties from the Challenge. I recommend this for anyone fit or not. I don’t find it much of a work out but it is a deep full body stretch and so RELAXING! I have never been able to just let loose and leave everything behind me for an hour. The way the instructor cared for everyone during shevasna, from covering you with a blanket or putting a pillow under your head was just so comforting. I loved the little temple rub with the great smelling oils. Next time I would like to try something a little harder but highly recommend this class for everyone.
***Learnt a new word today, Shavasana, literally means corpse pose. Lying on the back with your arms and legs spread at 45 degrees, the eyes are shut and the breathe is long and deep. The entire body is relaxed on the ground releasing tension in all areas of the body. We do this for the last 10 minutes of Yoga class***
January 19, 2017
So far so good. I have been eating MUCH healthier than I ever have and am working hard at upping that protein and remembering to chug down that water. Dinner tonight was delicious. I always thought I hated yams but I am pretty sure I just never tried them.
I have had a membership with 30 Minute Hit for the past 6 months and during the first month I went 3 or 4 times a week. After the first month… I quit going even after I signed up for a year (that’s not the first time I’ve done that). Well today I mustered up the courage and I went for it all on my own. By the end I was ready to throw up, in a good way I love taking out my anxiety in a healthy positive way. It is a kick butt work out and what’s half an hour out of your day. I am definitely going to start using them during this challenge. If you see me there say Hey!
Now to shower and hit the pillow, goodnight.
January 17, 2017
UGH….. and I mean UGH!
Today was the first group meeting for the Abbotsford Total Makeover Challenge ladies. While it was fantastic seeing all the beautiful smiling faces of the 29 other contestants, the smiles didn’t last long when the meeting kicked off with the dreaded measurement taking. Seeing those numbers in front of me was a huge slap in the face. WAKE UP GIRL, your killing yourself here! I noticed no matter the size of the lady, none of us were happy with what we saw. Even though I would kill for the body of some of the ladies in the challenge, she wasn’t happy with herself, she still hates the same jiggles and rolls and cellulite that I do. We are all in the same boat and all setting sail on the journey of a lifetime.
I took in some valuable information about protein. The fact that I should be eating 143 grams of protein for my body blew me right out of the water. I am lucky to be eating half of that, but, with the amazing Gina Harmsen of Herbalife I have my first challenge… to eat 100 grams of protein a day. Who knew there are so many tips and tricks to up that intake and it’s not just eating chicken. I might even give Gina’s favorite breakfast a try, oatmeal with egg whites and protein powder. MIGHT being the keyword there beings I am not a fan of protein powder.
Everything is so much more real now, I am so excited!
January 16, 2017
HOLY COW!!! I am so so so so so so so so so out of shape. I remember when I used to love going to the gym and I would be there for 1.5 to 2 hours (a couple years ago). I was not expecting it to be so terrible. I knew I wasn’t going to be running for an hour on the treadmill or pumping out 300 pounds on the leg press but really I expected so much more from myself than I did today. I can’t wait to get in shape and be able to do more.
I was thankful to have my friend Kandace by my side for my first day back. It’s always easier to break the ice when you have someone there to laugh it off with. The gym was so packed too, i couldn’t find a parking spot let alone a treadmill. I felt so intimidated and had to keep reading the words on the wall over and over “No Criticism. No Judgments”, we are all here for one reason or another and even the same reasons. I will be back and I will get better!
Thank you so much Club 16/She’s Fit for sponsoring the Challenge and giving us all free memberships to the gym while we set sail on this incredible journey.
January 15, 2017
Tonight was the Meet and Greet. Holy cow! Information overload! While I am feeling a tad overwhelmed I am feeling extremely empowered knowing we have tons of support in this journey. The sponsors who have stepped up to make this opportunity come alive is phenomenal and I am so thankful for each and everyone of them. The board members who light up with passion when speaking about the Challenge and their experiences with it give me inspiration. The past challengers and their success stories have given me hope and the courage to not back down. I got this. Although the number on the scale tonight made me want to break down and cry, I held my head high and embraced the fact that I am here and I am going to make a change. After all it’s just a number and I am SO much more than that!
p.s. check out my hot before pics taken by Photoart by Simpson #thosebootsthough
January 14, 2017
I woke up today less hopeful than yesterday. I never got a call from the Total Makeover Challenge and I bet I wouldn’t get one today. I went about my day telling myself I don’t need the challenge I can do it on my own but really I have never been able to do it on my own. I needed something more than the motivation of myself because clearly I was lacking in that department. Feeling down in the dumps and hungry in my tummy, my boyfriend suggested some A&W for lunch. I was in the drive through waiting for my turn to order when my phone rang. If you know me, you know I pretty much NEVER answer my phone. I picked up without even thinking, without even thinking it could possibly be the call I was hoping for yesterday. At the same time, I pulled up to order my poutine at the order board when I heard “Hi Angie, its Jenny from the Total Makeover Challenge.” Right away, I rolled my window back up and drove out of the drive through with my boyfriend looking at me like some crazy woman. She proceeded to tell me I was accepted into the Total Makeover Challenge. I couldn’t believe it, I almost didn’t even sign up and now I was accepted as 1 of the Top 30. I could barely answer her questions because of the overwhelming feelings of happy, scared, nervous, excitement and everything in between running through my body. After getting off the phone I could barely tell my boyfriend what was going on I was just so excited I got out of the car in the A&W parking lot jumping up and down, screaming with tears of joy streaming down my face. This was a journey I have so desperately needed and it was my time to shine. The first thing I did when I calmed down, was march on into A&W and shared my very last poutine with my son beaming from ear to ear.
I have always been curvy although in my teenage years it was more flattering than the mess it has become now. I have been in a relationship for 14 years and I would say I got way to comfortable. I had no one to impress, I already had a boyfriend and I was content with that. Some days I barely ate and others I couldn’t stuff my face with enough junk food, take out and fast food.
In 2012 I was at the point in my life where I literally felt like I was slowly dying. My life for months was literally the same day in and day out. I struggled to get up in the morning and go to work, struggled to work all day, then went home and laid in the bed or on the couch watched TV until bed time. I had no desire to do anything let alone any energy to do anything. I was dizzy and out of breath all the time, had VERY irregular menstruation and suffered from migraines. I was told that “children just weren’t in my cards” not without adoption or IVF, which I couldn’t afford either. I was packing on the pounds with no end in sight.
I hate going to the doctors, like I am sure many people do, but I hate it so much I just don’t bother going. I finally decided to go see a doctor because something wasn’t right and I literally feared that death was knocking on my door. I was sent for bloodwork and that same day I was told I needed to get into the doctor as soon as possible. Scared out of my mind I went in and was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and severe anemia. I was put on synthroid, for the rest of my life, and a high dose of iron to try and avoid a blood transfusion. I started feeling better week by week. I got a personal trainer and lost 35 pounds in 8 weeks. I had more energy, I wanted to go out and do things, my cycle was regular and I felt amazing!
One night I had a dream, a very weird dream. I was in jail (no clue what I did to end up there) and I was pregnant and all the woman in the jail were fighting over who gets to help me raise the baby. I woke up and it had felt so real. I was 5 days late that month but “children weren’t in my cards” so what did I have to worry about. I made my boyfriend get me a pregnancy test and prepared myself for yet another heart break when the one red line appeared like the 40 other times I had done this. Only this time there was a second faint line… it couldn’t be right. I ended up doing the other test that came in the 2 pack only to find the same slight pink second line. I took pictures and sent it to everyone I know, all who replied with congrats you’re pregnant. No way, impossible! We were going away for the weekend to the rodeo in Merritt, the entire time there I couldn’t get it out of my head that maybe I am pregnant. We ended up buying 4 more tests over that weekend with the final one being digital and displaying a big YES. As soon as we got back I had to go see a doctor.
The doctor didn’t understand why I was there to see him, I should be booking in to see an OBGYN because to him it was clear I was pregnant if all those tests said so. I just couldn’t believe it so I had him send me for blood work. Since I can check my blood work online I was checking every 15 minutes to see if the results were uploaded for hours and hours. Finally, there they were, they came back a positive. I still doubted it. Something hormonal must be going on with my body from the synthroid or the healthy eating and working out. A couple weeks later I had to go for an ultrasound. I didn’t want to go because I was so scared it was all going to come crashing down, there’s nothing in there but more pieces to my broken heart. I laid there and then I heard it “There’s your little bean”. I burst out into tears, oh my god, it’s true, I am finally pregnant! I am finally going to be a mama! I didn’t even care if I was about to gain back the 35 pounds I had just lost and I didn’t care if I couldn’t hit the gym 5 days a week or if I gave into my cravings of ice cream, chocolate bars and subway, I was finally going to have a baby. By far the happiest day of my life EVER.
So that brings me to who I am today, I am Angie Shannon, I am 29 years old, I am a Mommy to a 3 and a half year old boy. I have once again let myself go over the years with taking care of everyone but me. I am at the point where I am not only at my biggest but I can’t stand who I am and what I have become. I just want to wake up and feel normal. I want to play with my son for hours instead of minutes. I want to show him you can do anything if you put your mind and heart into it. If you want it bad enough you will succeed. I want people to look at me and not be disgusted. I want to look at myself and not be disgusted.
Being at my highest weight and my lowest point in life, feeling worthless and depressed and anxious all of the time what did I have to lose? I gathered up the little courage I had left and signed up for the Total Makeover Challenge. I needed this kick in the butt more than anything I could possibly need right now.